The Keri Croft Show
The Keri Croft Show
Infertility Series, EP-1 Gwenna, Cassi & Megan on surrogacy, multiple miscarriages, secondary infertility & MORE.
Getting pregnant isn’t always simple. And for 1 in 6 women, infertility is part of the story — and it’s messy, isolating, expensive, and absolutely life-changing.
In this first episode of our April Infertility Series, I sat down with three BADASS women — Gwenna, Cassi, and Megan — who know this journey all too well.
Gwenna spent 12 years trying it all — 8 rounds of IVF and endless shots to no avail. But in the end, two incredible surrogates helped bring her two boys into the world.
Cassi never expected to struggle after having her first son naturally. But four and a half years of trying, and many miscarriages later, she found herself in a world of acupuncture, functional medicine, and asking questions nobody could seem to answer.
And Megan — mama to 7-year-old Miracle Maren — opens up about miscarrying alone at home, failed IVF, and the ache of wanting a sibling for her daughter.
This episode is raw. It’s emotional. It’s full of heart, and hard-earned wisdom from women who’ve lived it.
Infertility isn’t the whole story — but it sure as hell shapes you. Make sure to share this episode with someone who could benefit from hearing these stories. This community is here to support you no matter if you are in the thick of it or experienced infertility years ago.
Stay tuned for the next episode dropping Wednesday, April 16th at 8am with Jess, Jessie and Allie. And until next time...Keep Moving, baby.
Hello friends, welcome to the very first episode of our infertility series. This one is incredibly close to my heart and I'm so damn proud to finally put it out into the world. This month is packed with raw, powerful conversations, expert insights and deep connection. We're dropping new episodes every Wednesday and Friday throughout the month of April. Today we're sharing the stories of three remarkable women, each one a warrior in her own right. Their journeys through infertility, loss and motherhood are deeply moving. If you're tuning into this series, thank you.
Speaker 1:Your presence here matters If infertility or child loss isn't something you've personally experienced. I hope these stories help you show up with more empathy, compassion and understanding for those who have. And if you have walked this road whether you're still in it, coming out the other side or carrying the weight of it quietly, I see you. I hope this series reminds you to share your story or simply to reach out to someone else who might need a reminder of their strength. So here's the ask Please share these stories with your loved ones, with anyone who might need to hear these stories or better understand this journey, and if you're listening and feel moved, please take a moment to send love to the people in this series who have opened up their hearts and histories to help others feel less alone. It's not easy, but it's powerful beyond measure.
Speaker 1:And now I bring you Gwenna, cassie and Megan Ladies, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for sharing the most fragile, sacred parts of yourselves. That is the true definition of strength, and it is certainly the true definition of a total badass. And until next time, keep moving, baby. My name is Gwenna.
Speaker 2:Until next time, keep moving, baby. My name is Gwena. I have two boys that were born via gestational carriers. One was my sister-in-law, one was my good friend, Emily. I did IVF like six times on myself, two more times for retrievals and then we transferred into the surrogate. So eight times I did all the things that you can possibly think of and it ended up working out because I didn't put a limit. We started trying as soon as we got married and from that day until we got our second son it was 12 years.
Speaker 2:I have PCOS, which is polycystic ovarian syndrome, so ovulation was not something I was doing routinely. So it's extremely difficult to conceive when you're only ovulating maybe twice a year and you don't know when that ovulation is occurring. So once I did some of the medications, we were able to find out when I was ovulating and that was all fine. But then it turned out to be unexplained fertility, which is pretty frustrating. I'd rather them just say you won't have a baby, like that's not going to happen for you, but when you don't know why, you just you just have to keep pushing. So they were never able to determine why. Because I make these beautiful embryos, they just would not implant in me.
Speaker 2:The journey impacted me the most, I think, in my marriage um Joe, my husband and I. I think we became closer. He I'm lucky enough that he's a mental health therapist, so he let me just grieve and do my thing. And he was just supportive and I told him multiple times you know, you can leave, like you can, I would be totally fine. That's really emotional. You can leave, it's fine, I won't think any different of you. And he's like, no, I'm not leaving Because I think, think truthfully, he could have imagined his life without kids, cause he's, he's a man, and I could not. I, it wasn't even an option in my mind to not have kids. So I think that it worked best for our marriage and I know it's not always like that for everybody, but it was for me. Our marriage became stronger.
Speaker 2:But I think one of the darkest moments in infertility I can think of two One happened all the time when it was time for either a positive test or your period to start. You inspect your toilet paper all the time so I would wipe and look for any signs that I would start my period and that first sign of blood was absolute despair. Every time it was worse than hearing the results on the phone because you see a physical manifestation of you're not pregnant. Another dark time. I did get pregnant once and I miscarried before six weeks. My pregnancy hormone level didn't do what it was supposed to do, so they were worried that it was an ectopic pregnancy. I, being in the medical field, totally know what that means and what you need to do with an ectopic pregnancy. Me in my mindset, when it happened to myself, I said you can let it rupture, because I did everything. I did everything for this baby. I, this is, I want to be pregnant. So it can, just it can rupture. And doctor my doctor at the time, dr Costa, said Gwena, you know that that's not compatible. Like you can't do that. And I was like no, it can rupture and then you can either save me or I can just die Like it's fine. So I was to the point where she probably should have admitted me for a minute, but I was not okay, it was pure agony. So I think I would have just rather have not got pregnant.
Speaker 2:A specific pieces of advice I have for patients going through infertility I would say be careful who you tell about your journey, because sometimes you don't want people asking a million questions so you can tell everyone in the world. But just be prepared Like they're going to ask you a lot of questions. I initially had told my parents and my very best friends and then you know, by year five I'm like I got to start telling people. So everyone does it on their own time. Just, you know, be careful is what I guess is my biggest piece of advice. Secondly, it's totally fine to not go to the baby showers. You don't have to go because your mental health is more important and it's so mental when you're going through infertility. One of my very best friends was having a baby during that time and I was absolutely so happy for her. But you can't help but see your grief in that time and I was absolutely so happy for her, but you can't help but see your grief in that time. And I mean we're talking. This girl has been my friend since I've I'm five and I told her I'm like I, I can't, I can't do it, and she totally understood because she's my friend and if they're not your friend they won't understand, but if they're your friend they will understand. So you don't have to go and you don't need to make, you don't need to feel guilty about it, which I'm trying to tell myself about, but I still feel guilty about Always seek a second opinion.
Speaker 2:If you have one doctor who says you know this isn't going to work for you, try another practice. I consulted with four or five different places. I ended up going with three different practices and I don't regret it. What one doctor says can't happen, another doctor can make happen. So you should totally seek second opinions and it also depends on what your issue is. Let's say you have a low AMH level and you're having trouble producing embryos. There are places, not in Columbus, but there are places that that's their specialty. So you need to seek out those places.
Speaker 2:Don't just take the word of one doctor. People will say well, just relax and have fun and just go get drunk. I can tell you if that was the case I would have been pregnant like multiple times, and that's not the case. So feel free to tell them to shut their face because you should not have to deal with that. That is so annoying. Don't ever tell a fertility patient oh well, you know, just go out and have fun and go on vacation. I can't do that. That does not work for me. It makes me so angry when people tell fertility patients that it sends me next level. I can't even talk about it.
Speaker 2:I made a list. There was one more. Oh, okay, reproductive endocrinologists are only as good as their lab. If their lab shows amazing results, it doesn't really matter too much about the doctor. I don't care if they're mean, I don't care if they're the fuzziest people in the world. Pay attention to their lab. Their lab is the most important.
Speaker 2:Never say never. I do you think when I got married I would have said, oh, I'm going to go through 12 years of infertility, do eight ivfs, all of the inseminations in the world, all the injections and I'm gonna have two other women carry my babies. Absolutely not. But here I am and that's what happened because I didn't close the door. But when it's something I wanted with every ounce of my being so, I was not remotely going to stop and we were definitely to a point financially where you know we got to stop. I didn't care. I'll lose my house, I'll live in a van down by the river, that's fine. I want my kids.
Speaker 2:And just never say never is probably the biggest as far as our introduction into surrogacy. I was actually in the middle of doing an egg retrieval and we were going to do it again because why not? Let's just run into that brick wall and just keep going. But I was at work and I get a phone call from my sister-in-law, which was odd because I'm like why is she calling me at work? And she's like hey, I want to carry a baby for you. And I was like shut your face, like this is no. She's like no, I've already talked to my parents. I talked to my OBGYN and he said I'm a good candidate. She had a good pregnancy with my niece and she's like I want to do it and your brother says that's fine, like he doesn't care. And I was like I hadn't even. I had not even given it a thought. I was just thought it was me against everyone else. So that's what started the gestational carrier for us was. She reached out and said she wanted to do it and I was like well, don't tell me that. And back out, like I will put a baby in you. That's what I said and we transferred to in her and my oldest held on and we got him.
Speaker 2:Now for the second, I have a brother and a sister myself. I cannot imagine life without my brother and sister and I really wanted my son to have a sibling. I didn't care what it was, I wanted him to have a sibling other than our dogs, like that. He needed a sibling and I put a plea on Facebook to my friends and I was like, if anyone has ever, cullen was a four at the time. I was like, if anyone has ever considered carrying a baby for somebody and you think you're a good candidate, please reach out to me. Do not reach out to me and say I would, but I can't because of this. Shut your face, you're not even on the radar. It's easy for you to say, oh yeah, I'll carry a baby for you, but I'll have a uterus Well shut up. Would you really do it so? So I said do not come at me and say that because I I'm not at a good place, I'll punch you in the face. It's what I said on my text. Why would people say that? Like people would say that, or I would do it, but I had an ablation. Okay, you can't do it, you're not helpful, so don't even acknowledge it. If you can't do it well, I don't even acknowledge it. If you can't do it Well, I don't know how much longer it was, maybe a month or two.
Speaker 2:It's 11 o'clock at night. This is a core memory. I'm laying in bed with my son, putting him to sleep and my phone rings. It's my friend, emily, and I'm like something's wrong. It's 11 o'clock at night. Why is she calling me? I answer, and she's like hey, I want to carry a baby for you. I'm like have you been drinking? And she's like, actually, yes, but I really want to do it. Like I've talked to my parents, she did the things and she has three daughters and had beautiful pregnancies. She's like I actually like being pregnant. And I said are you done having kids? She's like, yes, I want no more kids. And I was like I'll put a baby in you, because I was actually in the process of doing a retrieval again and because I told Joe I was like let's do a retrieval just in case something happens, so that we have the embryos on deck, basically. And so February, a few months later, we transferred and got pregnant with Pax and he's nine. So they literally fell into my lap.
Speaker 2:But I think I find much power in manifestation. So I don't know if that did anything or what, but I had two people step up to the plate and want to do it. I actually had a third person step up and Pax was probably two and we have spent well beyond I quit counting at $150,000. It's a lot of money and she's like I would like to carry a baby for you. And this girl I would say she was 25, maybe she had a daughter, perfect candidate. But I said I know you want to have more kids and if something happened and I took that away from you, I would not be able to live with that and so I turned her down because can you imagine? Like no. So I I told her no, but I've had three people say they wanted to do it. So that's how surrogacy fell into my lap.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying I wouldn't have got there on my own, necessarily, but we we had looked at like uh, children's has this. They used to have this thing called the adoption academy where you would. They kind of went over international and domestic adoption and what that means, and you know they went through everything. So I think adoption was next on deck for us. I didn't even think of surrogacy because I didn't think that was something I could do. I'm just, I'm not a rich Kardashian, like you say, like I, how could I do that? Well, I did, and it was not near as intimidating as I thought it would be. There was a grieving process when and there still is for me I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that I won't feel a baby inside of me. That's a hard pill. Do you have tissues? Good Lord Carrie, do you have tissues? Good lord Carrie.
Speaker 2:I am a sonographer. I do ultrasound. So for my first son, I got to scan him in utero, which was so weird because I was able to determine the gender from that scan and I was like oh my gosh, oh my gosh, and Joe's like what's wrong? And I'm like I see a penis. I see a penis and I'm yelling in the room and I thought everything looked abnormal, because you lose rationale when it's your own kid. Everything was fine, he's fine. Um, I mean, he's 14, so he's not super nice right now, but everything's fine.
Speaker 2:But I had to disconnect, absolutely. I had to disconnect because, as someone who does OBGYN sonography, I was seeing people pregnant every day and I saw people who didn't see the value in it and I saw people who didn't want it. But I also saw the other side of it, people who wanted their babies, and I had to see pregnant women every day. So I had to totally disconnect from our pregnancies because I saw them. When I scanned Lorraine, my first surrogate, I was like, okay, there's the baby's abdomen, like I'm talking to her, like this is her child, and I just couldn't connect Because if I connect and something happens, I'm not able to cope with that.
Speaker 2:So when my oldest was born, he was born C-section and I see him and he looks 100% like me, like I could have spit him out, and I'm like, okay, that's mine. And I didn't feel that immediate bond that everyone's like, oh, you're going to just explode. No, there was no exploding. There was like, okay, crap, I got this kid, he's mine and I'm taking him home. So about two months later I'm in the ER and a patient, this 80-year-old woman, I'm scanning her gallbladder. She goes, oh honey, do you have kids? And I start sobbing and I'm like I have a son. Like I had no clue, I had a son. So it took me probably two months before I bonded with him.
Speaker 2:With the second one it was a little better because I had been there, done that. Emily, who's also a sonographer, my second gestational carrier. She would take a picture once in a while and send it to me, but I was still very disconnected on him as well. So so I feel like it was hard to have much of a grieving process because I just kind of was like that's outside, that's not in my life. And then I got them and I connected finally and now I feel like I can connect in my job more, but that's the only way I could continue. But I think there's always going to be a grieving process because I don't think I'm ever going to be able to get over the fact that I couldn't do that. I mean, what's a woman supposed to do? That's what we're supposed to do. That's what you're told oh, you get married, you have kids. I got married but I couldn't do the rest and it's very, it's hard. But to have two women who did that for me, what do you get them for Christmas?
Speaker 2:Surrogacy is a big deal in my house. I feel that the sacrifice that Lorraine and Emily made needs to be celebrated Like this is you don't just do that for people, and there are some people who do it, but that just doesn't happen every day. So my boys absolutely know I'll tell Pax where'd you grow? He's like Emily's vagina, or he'll say Emily's uterus. And they do know where they came from. And they do know that my one son had to do a timeline of his life and his first picture was him as a day five embryo looking like a little Ritz cracker on his timeline. I was like no one else is going to have a picture like that and I think now he's probably embarrassed by it because you know he's different. He thinks he's different.
Speaker 2:Um, but it will always be celebrated in our house when it's their birthday. Every year, their birthday and mother's day, I text lorraine and emily and I say thank you for today and emily's like can you stop? Like you don't need to keep doing this. I said I'm doing it the rest of my natural life, so get over over it. That's what's going to happen. But yeah, we every, every year and I've had, you know, cullen tell Lorraine my first arrogant, you know, thanks for growing me, thanks for growing me Like they deserve that celebration. So I don't ever want it In my house. I didn't want it to ever be a secret, because that's a huge thing to do for somebody and there's not a lot of people in the world who can say they ever would do something like that? I had to get life insurance on them when they were pregnant because you can die, and they did. They knew this could happen and they did it for me. Like that is freaking huge, so huge.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, it's celebrated in my house for someone who's going through fertility now and there you're, in the absolute darkness. There was a quote that I saw from Sheryl Crow, of all people, and it said not I maybe not exactly, but it said, little souls will find their way to you, whether they're from your womb or not, and I firmly believe this With my patients who are in the pit of darkness. I'll manifest it. I'll do whatever I need to do, but it will happen. You just don't give up. Whether it's from your biological baby or someone's caring for you or you're adopting, you will find your, your soul. They will come to you. You just have to keep fighting. And it's so hard to do because and that's easy to say, because it's not like money's, and that's easy to say because it's not like money's you know infinity, you, you. There are times where, yeah, you have to cap it, but just don't stop fighting because they will find you.
Speaker 1:And I 100 percent believe that, and you, might be totally fine through the whole thing. So just whatever it is, it is, I just appreciate you being here and I hope you know that like it's's going to have a really big impact on someone.
Speaker 3:I almost didn't reach out, and then I thought if it were me, I was searching for this and I didn't find it. Yeah see no I know, okay, I feel a little weepy. Yeah, that's what.
Speaker 1:I'm saying and let me get some tissue just in case, because we had to.
Speaker 3:Okay, that'd be great. I'm Cassie, and my husband and I were married for four years before we started began a family and we tried for eight months before conceiving naturally, and we were blessed with my son Graham, and following that we had tried to get pregnant again and really struggled. So we had a miscarriage filled with years of infertility. Essentially so we had pursued IUI and what I was frustrated with was I knew that I was a healthy individual, that I'd carried a baby to term and conceived naturally, and I couldn't find the root answer for why infertility was happening or why we struggle to even conceive, and so I became almost fixated on a journey to natural holistic health. I wanted to determine why I wasn't getting pregnant, what was the root cause, and it led me down a path of functional medicine and acupuncture. But we struggled for four and a half years before we conceived my daughter and then followed by another miscarriage.
Speaker 3:There were really two concise dark memories in my mind around our journey to conceive, and one was we were on a family vacation and one of my sister-in-laws announced she was pregnant, and it should be joyous, and it was, but it was deeply painful for me who was in the thick of trying to get pregnant and I remember just going into the shower and crying and just wanting to be alone with my thoughts in that moment and then another time I think about. You know, I was raised from a family of women with stiff upper lips. You tackle the problem and if you can't change it, you adjust your attitude and what I had learned in this journey. It was very uncomfortable for my mom to sit in it with me and so I leaned a lot on my sister. But my mom, although her advice was trying to be helpful and uplifting there was a phone conversation. I know what street I was on, I know where, what house I was by and I was in despair Like I wanted to expand our family. And I was in despair Like I wanted to expand our family and the need that I had to do that and the urge I felt she wasn't understanding and instead of just sitting with me in that despair, she wanted to pull me along. And you know it's an urge you have when somebody you love is hurting to urge them on versus sitting on that bench of despair with me.
Speaker 3:And that's what I wanted from my mom and others during that time, the advice that I have for anybody going through this or wanting to support a friend is to acknowledge it. I mean, sometimes it felt like such an isolating event and I wanted to. I wanted somebody to see what I was going through or ask or inquire, but there's a really respectful way to do that and a time and a place and a not a time and a place to do that. Um, and honestly, I think that women are way better at it than men are, and so an example is we had had a loss and even my brother-in-laws did not know how to acknowledge it. You know it's, it's uncomfortable you don't want to bring up somebody else's pain but one of my friends who, his sister, had gone through a lot of miscarriages, he just pulled me aside and said you know, I am so sorry and coming from a man, it felt so healing that you know it wasn't just my husband who I was able to hear that you know those words from, but a male friend. It was so touching and just to hear somebody acknowledge how's your journey going.
Speaker 3:If you want to talk about it, great. If you don't, that's fine too. But I'm thinking of you. A random text, a check-in, a call, a conversation? You want to go on a walk. You know, I mean just being with that person and sitting with that is just so helpful. I mean just being with that person and sitting with that is just so helpful.
Speaker 3:I think the most positive thing to come out of this is an empathetic understanding of a health journey that you can't diagnose. Wow, that's enough to just send you, you know, sideways. Another thing is patience with my children now. So you know, kids were sick last week. It happens Disrupts schedules, they act up, it happens they're children. But the deep gratitude that I have that they are here and I get to be their mom adds an additional layer of patience. I think in my parenting that I can't take for granted.
Speaker 3:So the way it changed or altered the course of our relationship meaning my husband and I would be you know we had moved away when we were married and so we had just this really cocoon of time together and we had a lot of challenges because we moved to different cities but we had each other to depend on and I think that really set the foundation for this journey because it was us two and it wasn't always a happy cocoon, you know, during the fertility journey, but it was this reliance that, no matter what, we cherished each other beyond. And I am just, I am really lucky to have the husband I have. I mean, he is so supportive, but he's the oldest of four boys, so sometimes, like, the female dynamic gets lost in translation and that's okay. You know, that's pretty endearing actually. But he was raised in a big German Catholic family. His dad is one of nine boys. He is the oldest of four boys and I would go, you know, as we were early dating in you know 20s.
Speaker 3:I would listen to his extended family, who were smart, talented women, talk about their kids. So you know I was looking for ideas or business opportunities, you know, like nursing degrees, or I thought how interesting that they don't talk about themselves much, they talk about their much. They talk about their, their kids and their families. And now I understand that as a mom, you know, um, but it was almost a okay. You know, you married Cassie and now she can't produce kind of thing.
Speaker 3:What's wrong with me is something defective. Am I not woman enough? And those were the lies. I told myself a lot, a lot, and to even hear them out loud it's painful because I know that's not accurate, but it felt true, at that time you really have to advocate for yourself around the health care you want. I've had to advocate for myself on the miscarriages I want. They're eager to do all sorts of interventions and I'm like my body is smart and intuitive. It knows whether it's fostering a pregnancy or in the miscarriage process. You know you just really have to advocate for the way you massage that. I guess they want to shove you towards IVF. At least in my case they were just shoving, shoving, shoving and I'm like but I'm healthy, I carried a baby to term.
Speaker 1:Why is why are we like pushing that yeah?
Speaker 3:Should we not? Is there a root cause, maybe, and I I think it's. It's still a great mystery. You know, left in the world, we know what the weather is going to be a week from today, but we don't know about fertility.
Speaker 4:Yes, I mean, it's like on one thing, a really beautiful thing, that I don't not everything in my life is sorted out and it's still a mystery, but I mean, geez, louise, my name is Megan. I have an almost seven-year-old daughter named Maren, and it was quite the journey to get to her. We were very blessed that when we first got married, jay and I, we were totally shocked that we got pregnant right away. It was very much a shock and quickly found out that that was not the case. We had our first loss at about six and a half seven weeks and I thought how could this even be possible? And went through one of the hardest times ever and that was that um miscarriage that we I had alone at the house. Um, no one ever prepares you for something like that, to experience it by yourself. Um, and I don't even blame my husband because he doesn't know how to help in that situation. So we got through everything with that. A couple months later we were pregnant again and same situation. Unfortunately, we lost that child as well to another miscarriage.
Speaker 4:But I at least had the power and the knowledge of what to do when that happened a little bit more. I had the resources and the people to support me a little bit better that time. But none of them are easy. It never gets easier. So at that point I said, okay, knowledge is power, I'm going to the experts to try and have them help me out here. And of course, I was of geriatric age, which we all hate that word.
Speaker 4:But so we went and we got testing. Everything looked really good and we decided that we were going to try an IUI. And, lo and behold, we have our miracle Marin, and she truly is a miracle, because I love the story. The day that she was, the day that we went in for our IUI, was my grandma's birthday, august 16th, and my grandma is just an incredible person. We just lost her about a year and a half ago. But I have no doubt in my mind that that is one of the reasons that she, maren, is here today, because the day that that happened was her birthday. So that just gave me peace along the journey, and it was a scary journey. I thought we lost her again at about eight, nine weeks. We had a huge scare, huge bleed. My mom rushed down from Canfield. It was traumatic, but there was that little heartbeat and yeah, and then Maren's born.
Speaker 4:Life's great, let's do this again. So guess what? We get pregnant right away, we miscarry and I'm just like third time, this can't be happening. And it happened. And then I said I'm done again, we're going back. So we did another round of IUI, thinking it worked. It didn't work and then so we were like let's jump to the better alternative, the better chance, more testing.
Speaker 4:We ended up doing two rounds of IVF with one fertility clinic here in Columbus. We got millions of eggs but nothing ever went to blast. We couldn't even transfer any of those embryos and at that point I was pretty deflated, pretty defeated. My age is creeping up. So then we decided to switch fertility clinics, went to another fertility clinic they got. He was extremely confident, thinking we can do this still. But again we got all the way. We had one embryo that was not of great quality and and unfortunately it did not take. So I said I'm done, that's it, I'm done. And COVID happened. And lo and behold, we said let's try one more time. We got pregnant. We thought this is it, it was COVID, we're going to have another baby and miscarriage number four. So for me, 40 happened and I just, I was done with shots, I was done with DNCs. I was, I was just, I was, I was done with shots. I was done with DNCs. I was just, I was done.
Speaker 4:And Maren asks every day, all the time, why do I not have a brother or a sister? And it's really hard because she can't understand the journey yet, but we tried really hard to give her a brother or sister. We tried really hard and every day when I look at her I'm like what would it be like to have another one of you? Or what would another one be like? Would you be different? Would you be the same? And it's hard, fertility is just. It's really hard. But we're also blessed because every Mother's Day hard, but we're also blessed because every Mother's Day I get to celebrate Mother's Day and I think about that all the time that I get. I get to be called mom and I get called it a lot every day and it drives me crazy sometimes. But in those moments when I'm like can you please not say mom one more time? I also know in the back of my head how blessed I am to be given that title, because it is the greatest title that I will ever be given.
Speaker 1:So during COVID was that just a natural pregnancy? Fuck dude.
Speaker 4:And we had a heartbeat like a little teeny, like they thought we went in. They were like yes, and then I was like IUD.
Speaker 1:I'm done and there's a lot of power in that.
Speaker 4:I mean, it's just it just there was, and there was peace After like six months. There was so much peace in that because I knew I and we talked about adoption and we talked about all the things we talked. My sister offered eggs because it was my eggs that ended up being something. That was that they thought was the problem and my husband couldn't get past certain and I get it every. You have to be both on board. I've realized that too. Whatever you choose to go forward with or to stop with, you have to be on board, and I was ready like I was, like this is the closest we get my sister, my daughter looks just like my sister's four children. She could be one of their children, but my husband would never have gotten past the fact that this is like my child with yours. He could not, and you that's where it stops.
Speaker 3:And that's, and that is totally fine.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that is, and he is valid in his feelings and his thoughts.
Speaker 1:And then you know yeah, it takes them a little while, exactly, exactly, sorry that you're the basic gender.
Speaker 4:We're sorry. How did this journey with infertility impact my mental health? I mean, there's no doubt I went into some dark, deep, deep times and it affected my mental health but, more importantly, my relationship, because I was in such a dark place but my husband was dealing with it in different ways and not to the same degree, because I'm coming out of a surgery yet again or having another procedure done to try to have another child, or having another procedure done to try to have another child and my body is just physically kind of rejecting all of this. So mentally I mean I definitely. But I think the biggest thing with my mental health journey for me because this is just the type of person I am was to talk about it. I just am the person. I want to talk about it. I want other people, I lean on other people in those situations. But I also think, with this journey, I think the biggest thing too with anybody's mental situation is, with anything you have to deal with it, the way you want to deal with it and the way you grieve and the way that you deal with it, because there's no shame if you don't want to talk about it. But that is just the way that I found peace for myself was to get it out there, was to know that other. I was not alone in this situation, because and so many people talk about it, but it can feel so incredibly lonely. And why me and why us? But there's a reason. There's a true reason why we have one amazing, crazy, almost seven-year-old and a dog that she calls her sister you know, because that's her sibling, so that's okay. A dog that she calls her sister. You know, because that's her sibling, so that's okay.
Speaker 4:During this whole infertility and loss that we went through, one of the core memories that I have is that very first miscarriage, when the doctor I don't understand why, looking back basically asked me how would you like to miscarry? Oh, I don't know. You know I, at a bar, I mean like drinking, I don't know. Like, I mean I, how would I like to miscarry? I, I don't. And I said, well, you're the expert, can you tell me I never had gone through this. And so she, she was like, well, I think it's best that you don't have surgery and that we just do this naturally, and so we do a pill and you will just miscarry naturally. So I said okay, not understanding much, and at this time didn't know, and I literally had a pill inserted.
Speaker 4:I went home, it was two o'clock in the afternoon and she said in a couple hours you're going to start to feel a ton of pain and a ton of cramping, and then you're going to start to feel like you're basically giving birth with a miscarriage. And I guess I just didn't conceptualize what she was telling me at the time and so I went home and it was all that and then some. It was pure hell. I was on the bathroom floor because I was sweating so profusely and my husband was at work because I don't think we neither of us understood the power of what was about to happen. But I will never forget and I still like, look at that bathroom floor and laying there and having to experience that by myself and asking myself did it happen already? Is this as bad as it's gonna get? And then it got worse and I still, even when it got really bad, I'm like is this it? I just I didn't even. And so I told myself from that point on that I would never do this alone like this again. I will have my people by me, because I thought I was strong enough to do it by myself and that I will never do it like this again. I will never do this at home by myself, without the use of other. I will undergo some type of a surgery to, if this, God forbid, ever happens again, which unfortunately it did. So, um, yeah, that is my core horrible memory from all of this Advice for people going through it.
Speaker 4:Um, again, it's everybody's own journey and what they, but my advice is is to start to talk about it and and and asking people, if you, if you trust them, if you know that you want their advice, because sometimes we ask people knowing we truly don't want their advice, but yet we ask it anyways, and then we're like shit, why did I just ask for it? I really didn't. Or, people just give their opinion, whether they're asked it or not. And I also think, too, going through the journey, knowledge is power, and you ask the questions to these. If you are these, if you are going to a doctor, you deserve your time in that office. You deserve to ask any question. You take as much time as you need, because you need to know all of the information, and if they're not going to give it to you, then go to someone who does, because that's not fair to you. Because, yes, these doctors are dealing with this all the time, every day, day in and day out. This is just what they do all the time they see people who are dealing with infertility. But your journey is your journey, and what you're going through in that moment you deserve that time.
Speaker 4:What positive things have come out of this experience? I met one of my best friends because of it. We got to. We were actually connected through a friend from high school who went through fertility issues, who I knew as well, but we ended up bonding over the fact that we both just had one child. But we met at Crimson Cup on a random like Tuesday night, because we were both looking to nanny share and lo and behold, she was literally experiencing and going through the exact same things. I was going through different as far as in, like you know, weight or the reasons of infertility, but we decided that we think this will work. We'll share our home with each other for the next five and a half years. Our kids are best friends. They could never have another child. We could never have another child and I think that that's probably number one for me is that we, you know, in sharing as much as we did with each other, it got us through that time as well, too, because they have each other and they're like siblings, and it's one of the biggest blessings of my life.
Speaker 4:If there were things that I could say that people asked me or to not say to people going through this journey, yes, number one for sure, if I had to hear one more time but you work out, you're in great shape, you'll get pregnant, you're not that old, it's okay. I was going to lose my mind because in so many ways it has nothing to do with that. It drove me crazy all the time. And then the other one, now that we have one child, it was the question, and I used to, to a fault, I used to say this to people too. You just kind of don't know what to say, but with one it would be like are you ready to have another one? And I'm really honest with those people and I tell them flat out. I say we have one miracle child and she truly is a miracle, and I wish we could have been blessed with more, but we were not able to.
Speaker 4:How did this infertility journey have an impact on the relationship with my husband impact on the relationship with my husband? Um, I think the biggest thing for me, and I think a lot of women deal with, is that men are just never going to fully understand what we're going through. There's just and there's just no way. There's just no way and so, or you have done all these things to your body to try to have a child, they will just never experience and to no fault of their. You know they can't help that, but but it definitely put a strain because those, those feelings, just it just won't ever, they'll never be able to fathom it because of that mic drop.
Speaker 1:You're right. My name is cassie and I am one in six my name is megan and I am one in six.
Speaker 4:My name is Megan and I am one in six.
Speaker 2:My name is Gwenna and I'm one in six. You are a warrior, you're a badass and you are not alone.
