The Keri Croft Show
The Keri Croft Show
Infertility Series, EP-2: Jess, Jessie & Allie on queer pregnancy, IVF, not having kids & MORE
Not every path to parenthood ends in a baby — and not every story needs to.
In this episode of our Infertility Series we’re diving into three powerful, wildly different fertility journeys — all full of grit, heartbreak, humor, and the kind of truth we need to be talking about more.
➡️ Jess gets real about navigating IVF as a queer woman with her wife by her side. From failed transfers to giving progesterone shots in the stadium bathroom at OSU (true story), her journey is proof that love, persistence, and a solid sense of humor can carry you through just about anything.
➡️ Jessie was told she had less than a 5% chance of having a baby — and then went on to have four. She didn’t take no for an answer, found the right people who believed in her, and flipped the script in the most jaw-dropping way possible.
➡️ And Allie? Allie’s story is just as powerful — because she chose to not have kids. After treatments, heartache, and a whole lot of judgment from people who didn’t get it, she and her husband walked away and built a beautiful, full life in a different way.
Whether you’re going through it, love someone who is, or just want to understand what this all really feels like — this one’s for you.
🧡 Listen now. Share with someone who needs it. And know this: whatever your path looks like… you’re not alone.
#TheKeriCroftShow #InfertilitySeries #InfertilityAwarenessMonth #QueerParenting #ChildFreeNotLess #1in6 #InfertilitySupport #ModernMotherhood #IVFJourney #YouAreNotAlone #SayTheThing #BreakTheStigma
Welcome back to the Keri Croft Show and to the second episode in our Infertility Series, one that continues to crack open the complexity of what it means to fight for, redefine or ultimately surrender to the dream of becoming a parent. Today, we hear from three incredibly brave women who share their stories with raw honesty, grit and grace. First, jess takes us inside her journey to build a family with her wife, navigating not only the medical process but the unique dynamics of queer parenthood in a system that often wasn't designed for them. Then there's Jessie my God, jessie. This woman stared down a 5% chance of success. She was told no at every turn and still she persisted. Her story is one of true perseverance, positivity and belief in the impossible.
Speaker 1:And finally, allie, a woman whose courage doesn't come from continuing the fight but from deciding to end her fertility journey on her own terms. She shares what it looks like to choose peace, even when that peace means living without the children she once imagined. This episode is a reminder that there is no one definition of strength, no perfect path, just real women with real stories, choosing what's best for their hearts, their bodies and their lives. Thank you, jess, jesse and Allie, for sharing your journeys with us so honestly and bravely. Your words will undoubtedly touch many hearts and we are so grateful for your courage. If you or someone you know is going through something similar, please share these stories. Let's spread awareness and create connections with people who are living through this right now. You are not alone, and until next time, keep moving, baby.
Speaker 2:I'm Jess, I'm a member of the queer community and you know our fertility journey was just a little bit more winding than we anticipated. We knew it was like never going to be a solo expedition, just the two of us, and that was kind of something we had to deal with, going into it Like there was never any way, it was just going to be a child. That was kind of something we had to deal with, going into it Like there was never any way, it was just going to be a child. That was a product of my wife and me and like obviously I know how biology works, like I knew that was never going to happen. But there is like an element of loss with that, even before you start that it's never just going to be the two of you. There's always going to be someone, something else involved in the process. So our journey has been about two years long. It started in, I mean, even before we were actively trying. It started when we were sort of figuring out how we wanted our family to come together, whether we wanted to use a donor that we knew we wanted to go through a cryobank. We researched all the options, we decided on picking a donor from a bank and we kind of started trying from there. We did a couple IUIs or intrauterine inseminations, and those didn't go according to plan. I mean like really what is the plan? But so we did a couple of those and then another tough element of this is like your whole journey in some way is in someone else's hands. So you're kind of dealing with like navigating benefits, navigating insurance companies, navigating your work schedule, your finances, like your mental, emotional health, your physical health. So we did the IUIs, we took a break for a little bit and then we started IVF in the beginning of 2024. So we did the IUIs, we took a break for a little bit and then we started IVF in the beginning of 2024.
Speaker 2:So we went through I went through the egg retrieval process. My wife was like a super champ, like she can give a PIO shot, like nobody's business at this point, which we just didn't think was going to be a part of our relationship. We started with our first embryo transfer and like we were just holding the most positive vibes that you could ever imagine and that ended up becoming a biochemical pregnancy and that was so tough because we had five days of positive home tests and like getting so psyched and thinking like this, is it like it's our time? And we went in for that first blood test at the doctor and like no dice. So it was like that immediate high and so quickly it was just not going to work. And then again it was like kind of in someone else's hands. So we were waiting to be able to get in at our clinic again for another transfer.
Speaker 2:So we took a couple months, we did another transfer over the summer and that was just like a total failed implantation. So that felt like a huge step backwards because we thought, since the first one had been positive, we would just run the same play and it felt like we had moved backwards, like we didn't. Like I'm a go, go, go person, I want to try everything, I want to do every test. And so when it didn't work the second time, candidly like it fucking sucked. So then I felt really empowered to like become the diva of my fertility clinic and be like I am going to ask for every single test you will give me, I will advocate, I will read papers about it and like tell you why I think it's the right thing. And thankfully I was working with a practitioner who was really down for that. So we tried a bunch of stuff. I did an ERA or like an endometrial receptivity assessment. That came back normal antiphospholipid antibodies that came back normal, like everything was fine. So I kind of just tried to ground and like really, what was it going to take for me to feel really good? And one thing I kind of felt through the first two transfers was I was holding so much of other people's hope, like we had our own, that we wanted, but it was like our families were going to be so psyched, like our friends were going to be so excited, and so for this last transfer, I was kind of like I love it and I appreciate it, but I can't take, take it on. And so we didn't tell anyone, we didn't tell our parents we were doing it, we didn't tell our friends, we didn't like nobody knew. And it turned out to work in our favor, which was amazing, and we finally got to like do the process the way I think of, like the normal version works. So like we got to surprise our families and tell them we were expecting over the holidays which was just beyond, and it just felt like this really nice moment of like we had just tightened up the two of us. We had like built this really fucking solid foundation and like now we were moving. So that's the short version, that's the headlines and that's where we are.
Speaker 2:Poor memory I have from this process is needing to navigate, giving and receiving a progesterone shot. On the night of the college football playoffs we got tickets to the OSU Tennessee game. We were so psyched and at the time we got the tickets we didn't know if our embryo transfer was going to be successful. We got the tickets, we didn't know if our embryo transfer was going to be successful. So there was something in the back of our heads. I think we were like on our way to Costco where I said you know, if this works, we're going to have to figure out how to do a shot in the show. And my wife was like if we get to that point, we're going to be so lucky and that was just kind of where we left it.
Speaker 2:And so I think we found out a week and a half before the game that our transfer had stuck and I was expecting, and then we went into this full tilt panic of like what are we going to do with like this alive syringe, like filled with progesterone at Ohio Stadium. So we get there, we get to her work tailgate and we're scoping out, like is the porta potty big enough for two people? Like are we both going to fit in there? Like can I hold my phone light over my head so she can like see my tush? And like we can make it happen? Um, and then she feels like I mean it feels like she has live ammo in her coat because if this shot like discharges, we're going to have a real problem. So we had done some, some quality control, some qc at the crib before we left um, and we put some. We put like a rubber band around the syringe and tested so it like couldn't press down. But I mean, this was, it was very D-list, but it was like critical to making it happen, because the shot has to happen at the same time every night. So you're just kind of like okay, I guess I'm going to figure it out. So I had scoped out, like where are their single bathrooms? Like can we bring in medical supplies? Like what are we doing? And so we end up going in. We find a single bathroom. I had packed like a hand warmer to put on after the shot, because you have to like keep it warm. So she gave me the shot. In this bathroom it was like 20 degrees outside, I was freezing, I've got the hand warmers in my pants and we just rocked it and saw the game.
Speaker 2:Thoughts and advice for people who are in it right now. I feel like number one is like just know that you're entitled to support and be really clear with people about what you need. Like sometimes I would kind of tell people what was going on and let them in, but I didn't say like it would be nice if you checked in with me, or like it's okay to ask me about what's happening, like I would love your community. So that's one thing. Another piece of advice is I felt like as I got further into it, I needed to practice some radical non-attachment to the process and connection to the outcome. Like I am going to, we're going to have our child come hell or high water. But if I was so attached to the process like I'd still be in a puddle after the first IUI and you kind of just need to like shore yourself and like do what you need. Like have your treat yourself time and then keep it moving, because otherwise, I mean, this is really a marathon for a lot of people.
Speaker 2:It was not a sprint for us, and you've got to sustain yourself. You have to find joy where you can. You have to let your partner support you. You have to let your pets support you. The pets are actually critical. We brought in an animal communicator because we were like having some shit go on with our pets. It's like hardcore lesbian shit. You have to know. I mean, we're a Subaru family. We have two Subarus between us. Yes, you have to know it's like a serious situation here.
Speaker 2:The most positive thing that's come out of this experience for me is like there is literally nothing I can't do. I can go on PubMed and read a paper published by the NIH, like about egg retrieval stats. I can give myself a shot in my love handle in an airport bathroom, like I can do anything. And this is just. I mean it's just when you have a kid, I imagine like you have to figure it out, like there just has to be stuff that you're you will do anything. Yeah, I had 40 fucking eggs. I had 40.
Speaker 2:The egg retrieval recovery was it was really hard. It was really hard because my ovaries were like the Chiquita banana hat. It was insane. I, my ovaries were like the Chiquita banana hat. It was like it was insane. I have PCOS, though, so that's like that's the silver lining. We got super lucky, so we got nine PGT embryos like normal embryos, yeah, and that's why it was hard, because, like the egg retrieval went so well, like we had such a good outcome, and they kept telling us like this is not normal, this is not normal.
Speaker 2:I was, like, tell me something I don't know. Like okay, for the love of all things special in this world, please do not like impose your expectations on queer couples to adopt. I think everyone is entitled to adopt or like have a family in whatever way they want, but everyone is equally entitled to experience pregnancy if they want to, to adopt if they want to, to have a blended family if they want to. You can do whatever you want, but, like, every option should be equally available to everyone, with zero judgment. That's my TED talk. That's my full TED talk. Everyone's like you're going to, but aren't you going to check into adopting? I was like, bitch, you adopt?
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Don't tell her. I mean respect. The fertility and infertility process can like weigh on any relationship. I think for us it was really important for me and both of us as a partnership to learn more about how the other person processes disappointment, challenges, tough information and ambiguity. So I listened to this fertility podcast. I learned that I'm a maximizer, which means if there is a conflict or there's a challenge, literally no one in this house will have another bite of food or another sip of water until we get to the bottom of this and figure out the plan.
Speaker 2:And my wife is lovingly. The term they use is a minimizer, which means she's just kind of kind of trying to find peace in the process and like she's okay letting something slide. So I think it's what makes us a really good partnership. But in those moments where it's like very gritty, it can be tough for me to be like, okay, we are allowed to have food in this moment while we like work through this, and for her to just say I understand you need a minute to process and I'm probably the primary audience for that.
Speaker 3:My name is Jesse. I have four beautiful daughters Francesca is six. I have identical twin daughters, conchetta and Isabella, who we call Coco, and Bella, who are four, and I have a two-year-old named Giada. I tried to get pregnant pretty quickly after I was married around the age of 31, 32. Nothing seemed to be working. But you chalk it up to everybody's lives are busy. I'm working a lot, my husband's working a lot.
Speaker 3:After about a year and a half or so, we decided like let's do a little bit of intervention. We sought the advice of a local fertility doctor here in Columbus and, you know, without any blood work or any background, you know he looked at me and said you look, you're young, you look healthy. I think this will probably be pretty easy. He did a little blood work in the office but sent me home with a prescription for Clomid and about 48 hours later I got a call from the nurse and she said you should just stop taking that prescription. And I said why, you know? And we didn't even do anything yet and she said well, we got your blood work back and there's no way that's ever going to work. Your fertility age, on blood work, looks more like a 43 or 44 year old. So the likelihood that you'll ever have your own child is slim. And I will never forget.
Speaker 3:I was in my garage, like on my way to work, and I just sort of like fell to the ground and someone over the phone telling you like you're never going to have a baby, when that's all I ever wanted was to be a mom and have a baby. So immediately I called my husband, I called my mom. My mom raced down to Columbus from Youngstown and we just sort of started like what are we going to do next? I'm very much like I need to be in action. I wanted to know where do we go from here? What can I do? So of course I start ordering books on the Internet and calling everybody I know, looking up every doctor in town. This was all. This language was just sort of foreign to me. I didn't know what, any of the abbreviations, what FSH or AMH. I didn't know what it meant. So I'm Googling things as I'm getting information over the phone from this nurse.
Speaker 3:And you know, I immediately sought the advice of a second doctor in Columbus who kind of led me down the same path and said I just don't think this is in the cards for you. Then I started reaching out to people I knew in the community who I knew had been through similar things, and my friend, kate agreed to meet me for coffee and we were friendly but, you know, kind of knew each other through workout class and she had had a really positive experience with this doctor in Cleveland. So we met for coffee. She gave me all the ins and outs of everything she had gone through and I was like all right, I'm going to put her on my list. And and in the meantime I'd reached out to doctors in other states. I'd gone to Pittsburgh and just was coming up nowhere, you know, they would look at my my statistics if you will and they were just like oh, you know, this doesn't look good.
Speaker 3:And I finally got an appointment with this doctor in Cleveland and she was so awesome. She sat down with my husband and I and she she said I'm not going to lie to you, I'm not going to steer you in the wrong direction. I'm going to tell you that I'm willing to like take you on as a patient, but I would give you like about a 5% chance of having a live pregnancy. And I just heard like chance, chance, chance. Like you know, I think my husband was more like 5%, you know, but I I was like that's all I needed to hear and I just started immediately. We started going through all the protocols and we did, you know, had to go through all the channels. You know she had to try the IUIs. Of course she knew they weren't going to work, but she's like we need to do like a step through to get to the next spot. And I basically just spent the next year and a half at the Cleveland Clinic, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. I just wouldn't stop. I found sort of a little network and family up there. These girls that worked in the clinic became like family. They were really invested in my situation and my story.
Speaker 3:And you know they had protocols there that you know we weren't going to do a retrieval for an embryo unless you had X amount of follicles and that was never going to happen for me. So this angel of a nurse, laura, said to me one day after I had had an appointment. She said you only have one follicle. She's like it's expensive to do surgery. It's hard on your body to get that, to go in there and see if there's anything there. But I'm going to advocate for you today. If you want me to that, we're just going to do it. And I'm like, if I have one, I want to do it every time. I want to go in every time, as long as I have one. You know, and I think even the doctors were a little bit like, oh, I don't think this is a great idea. And I just said I want to do it, that's what I want to do. And from there that was sort of my new protocol was if I have one that looks good, we're going in for the surgery.
Speaker 3:I did this I don't even know how many times like six, seven, and sometimes it would be there was nothing there when I woke up from the surgery. Sometimes there would be one, sometimes there would be two, and neither one of them would make it. And you know, I just kept going. I kept thinking to myself the whole time I'm not going to let this get me down. I'm not going to be negative. I would just smile and say like, let me know when I can start the next round, just let me know I'm ready. And we did this over and over and over again until I had three embryos and once I got my third embryo, after I don't know six or seven, seven rounds of doing this, my doctor said I think it's time we have to try one now. She's like you can't keep putting your body through this and we've got enough that I think we could. Maybe we could have one baby here.
Speaker 3:So my first attempt was having. I only put one in and got a perfectly healthy, wonderful little girl and I thought this is it? Like that's all, that's, that's all it'll be, probably, and that is wonderful. I'm so content and happy, um, and you know, then you sort of get hooked and by the time, um, she was one. Uh, my husband and I thought let's have one more, let's do one more, let's try it one more. And my doctor said to me like we are not doing ivf again, your body can't take it. There's really, I really don't think there's any. We got everything. I think we're gonna get out of you. Um, so you have two chances and if they they don't work, we have to just be grateful. You have a baby and I, a thousand percent. I was on board for that.
Speaker 3:I went in. I had another transfer done. They put in that one embryo. Two weeks later I took the blood tests positive pregnancy I was just like stunned. You know it was. It was like everything and more that I ever wanted.
Speaker 3:And then it was March of 2020, covid hit and I went in for my ultrasound on March 16th. Nobody knew what was going along on, but my husband couldn't come with me. They had me like wrap a scarf around my face so like because we weren't doing masks yet. But everyone was confused and I go in to get my ultrasound and they, they do the ultrasound and the lady's looking at the chart and she's looking at the screen. She's looking at the chart and she's like how many eggs did you put in? I said just one. And she's like, well, that's crazy because there's two babies in there.
Speaker 3:So my embryo split and I had identical twins and it was like mind-blowing. I actually didn't really even conceive that that could be no pun intended, that that could be a no pun intended, that that could be a possibility. I guess I maybe heard it along the way, but I was just blown away. So then we had identical twin daughters and our house was so crazy, so crazy and so much fun and it was just everything I ever wanted. And then fast forward to their first birthday Wasn't feeling so great and I found out I was spontaneously pregnant with my fourth child. It was my first pregnancy. I had never before, in the eight years I tried to get pregnant, had never had a positive pregnancy test. I never got pregnant and miscarried. I never, ever, I just never had had been pregnant on my own. So I got pregnant for the first time at 40 and delivered her at 41. And she's like a miracle baby so wonderful, so loving and happy and she completes our family.
Speaker 3:And, yeah, my advice to anyone going through this right now would be don't stop. If your first answer is no, don't listen to every protocol along the way. You know I think about it all the time. If I would have listened to the protocol that you know we don't retrieve unless we have three embryos, I would probably have no kids, or three follicles. I guess I should say I probably wouldn't have any kids. I would have just taken it for face value and said, well, I didn't make it this time or I don't have enough to do the retrieval. And I think finding someone to advocate for you and what you feel is right for you and in your heart, that you know your body the best. I just I didn't stop at the first. No, I didn't stop at the first. No, I didn't stop at the second. No, I didn't stop at the third. No, I just kept looking for someone that was willing to help me.
Speaker 3:Infertility impacts your mental health and your relationships in a big way. It's hard, it's hard, to be at that age where all your friends are having kids and your siblings are having kids and you're watching people throw first birthday, your siblings are having kids and you're watching people throw first birthday parties and you're there and you're supportive and you're just wishing it was you. It's challenging because you know you want to be the best friend and the best everything you can, best spouse, but it is all-encompassing. You know I I had a hard time focusing on anything other than that. It's just you kind of narrow in and it's a little bit isolating.
Speaker 3:And I was so fortunate that my best friend from childhood lived five minutes from the Cleveland Clinic. So I took it as an opportunity to, you know, have weekday sleepovers and get to be around her children more, and I didn't struggle as much with the. I love kids so much that I was just so grateful to be around all my friends' kids and my sister's kids as much as I could. I embrace that like auntie role, but you know it did sting a little bit. You. You just look at all these people and you're thinking, god, when's it going to be my turn?
Speaker 3:My advice to people on the outside to support people going through this is to let them know you're there, but not to ask too many questions if they don't seem like they want to talk about it. Kind of read the room. I think a lot of the things that are cliche, that people say it'll happen or just relax, and if someone really has a good experience to share, I think that's one thing. I was so lucky I had so much support from people. Out of this experience I gained a ton. I gained the confidence in myself to know that I can advocate for what I want, for what I want, and speak up to people and in situations when it's something that is really that important. I also gained this great passion for helping other women.
Speaker 3:I think one of the things that comes with infertility is stigma and I think if we're not open about it, you can't help each other. You know I always remind people like you didn't do anything wrong. This is not something that you know. I understand it's. It's sensitive, but it doesn't have to be private. I always think about the girl that helped me. If she wouldn't have been open about what she went through, I would have never known what she had been through and I would have never found my doctor. So I have spent, you know, countless hours with people on the phone that I don't even know, just connected through friends of friends, and they've become friends of mine and I think about them often and I check in on them often and and on them often. And it's really given me another purpose, because I think that the more we're vocal, the more people we can help.
Speaker 4:Thank you, I'm Allie. My fertility journey ended with me not having children. So I got married when I was 30 years old and started trying, you know, almost right away, naturally the old-fashioned way, and it just wasn't happening. So I went into other options. I started, I saw an acupuncturist. He gave me herbs. I started seeing my doctor. I started seeing my doctor. We did some testing. My husband had to go in and have his sample specimen tested and really it was unexplained and there was no answers that anyone could give me. And so the next step is IUI, which I'm sure a lot of people have been through, is IUI, which I'm sure a lot of people have been through, and I can vividly remember being at the doctor's office getting inseminated while on my BlackBerry that's how long ago it was on my BlackBerry laying on my back answering emails as I was hopefully getting pregnant in that moment. We tried that three times and the next step was, you know, ivf. We were sitting across from our fertility doctor and you know she was very direct. You're in your thirties, there's not much time left. It's time to start with the next step. We have to start with the medications, the egg retrieval, start thinking about implantation.
Speaker 4:And I just at that moment just paused and I didn't think I could do it. It was something in me that just said I don't know if I'm really prepared mentally or in the right headspace to really think about doing that. And so I said to her I think I need to think about it. And she said there's no time. You need to do it as soon as possible. And so I remember my husband and I left and we saw each other in the parking lot. We were going our separate ways to our offices and I looked at him and I said I don't know that I can do this or make this decision right now. Long story short, we didn't decide to go that route. I couldn't do it. There was just I had spoken to too many people who have done it, who had done it, who said to me things like I don't know if I would have done this if I knew how hard it was, or this was really detrimental to my marriage, or now I have these embryos and I don't know what to do with them, because I had a baby or twins and I don't know what to do now with these embryos, and it was a really awful feeling for them. And so at the time it that time in my life and what my mental state was and what was going on around me, I just didn't think that I could do that. And the whole fertility process and trying to get pregnant and the timed intercourse and all that stuff was not doing wonders for our relationship at all. And so I just really decided to protect that relationship and work on that, as opposed to continuing to push us forward, because really, he left it up, my husband left it up to me. It was really my decision and we decided to just see what would happen, naturally. And then I think the culminating moment was I was with my grandmother. She was dying and I was having some last moments with her and she looked at me and said just enjoy your life. Enjoy your life, don't think about what you don't have, think about what you do have, think about the life that you can enjoy right now. And I just in that moment, decided I was just going to figure out what my purpose was and find a way to just enjoy what I had, and that's what I've been doing ever since enjoy what I had, and that's what I've been doing ever since.
Speaker 4:This journey was really difficult for me personally. I had always dreamt of becoming pregnant and being a mom and I was throwing my entire self into it at the expense of my mental health. Our relationship suffered. So I was, and there was lots of other things going on with me personally, but I was going to therapy every week to sort of grapple with what was coming up for me and I were seeing a therapist because the pressure being placed on us to, you know, go through these treatments or schedule sex with each other that was really wreaking havoc on our relationship and I was not my best self during that time. I treated my husband terribly and, you know, said things like all you have to do is have sex, like what's wrong with you, why can't you just perform when I need you to Really just awful things, and it really hurt him and it hurt our relationship and I would say it's still something we have to overcome in terms of our intimacy and how comfortable we are in those moments, because it was such a traumatic thing for us. I think going to therapy together and working through those moments with someone that could help us communicate more effectively was really helpful in us remaining married through that time. You know now we're 20 years married, but at the time we got married when we were 30, that was very early on in our relationship, very early days to be putting that much pressure on us. So it was really. It really impacted me myself and my own mental health, but also our relationship as well. I think there's a lot of pressure being placed on women and I certainly felt the pressure to, or the questions would inevitably come up why don't you have children? What's up with that?
Speaker 4:I remember being in my mid 30s in New York City trying to build my career at my company. I was finally with these executives and we were out after work and having a few beers and the question comes up hey, allie, you know, how long have you been married? Oh, why don't you have kids? And I, you know being an open book type of person, I said well, you know, we tried, it didn't happen. We've gone through some infertility treatments, but you know, right now we're just going to see what happens and give myself a break from all of that. And his response to me was well, you must not have tried hard enough. And that felt like a punch to the gut. Honestly, it was.
Speaker 4:Um, I didn't have a witty comeback for him at the time. I just kind of shrunk into myself and made myself smaller and tried to change the conversation, but that judgment that I felt and then the resulting feelings of, you know, not being good enough, being inferior, being less of a woman, was really overwhelming in that moment. If it was today, I would probably say, because I knew him and I knew he had a daughter I'd probably say something like would you say something like that to your daughter if she was struggling right now? It's a really cruel thing for you to say, and it's actually none of your business. That's what I would have said, but I just didn't say anything. Actually, the man who was with me said another man said to me would you like to leave? And I said yes.
Speaker 4:One of the biggest things that happened during that time was that, obviously, when you're married, you're going to get questions about when you're going to have kids, and I had lots of well-intentioned people sending me books about infertility or recommending therapies or, um, you know, pushing me to do IVF. You can do it, just just go for it. Save the money, um and I know it was all coming from a good place. I think this is so hard for me to say because I am such an open book and I'll tell anyone anything about my life. I think I would have kept more quiet about what was happening and really kept it between Joe and I and really had more answered more in the you know I really would rather not talk about it. It's something Joe and I are working through together and I would just appreciate giving me some space. I really wish I had held it more sacred and not made it such an open thing, because it just invites more commentary and invites more well-intentioned advice that I didn't really need and felt overwhelming and I think I just I think I would have been more private about it.
Speaker 4:One of my biggest regrets during the journey is really abandoning the care for my relationship with my husband in the quest to get pregnant of a child. I really let my focus on our relationship go and the relationship paid the price for it. At the end of the day, even if you go through this struggle and you end up getting pregnant and having a baby, you still have to have a relationship with that person and raise that child together and then have a life after that child inevitably has their own life. So I wish I hadn't sacrificed so much of our relationship in this quest of getting pregnant, but it took a really big toll.
Speaker 4:The positive outcome of me and Joe making this decision to pause everything around the infertility process and just live our lives is that I've really found a lot of joy and fulfillment out of being a really special and present aunt, chosen aunt by my friends and family. I have such special relationships with the young people and children in my life and I've derived so much fulfillment out of it, and my sister always tells me that I'm a spiritual mother, that it's something that I was really born to do. But I get to share that with so many other children than just my own. And no, no, the other day I was meditating on it and it just felt I and attention to all these important children in my life my friends' children, my sister's children and it's meant the world to me and I'm really fulfilled by it and it really makes me happy to play that role.
