The Keri Croft Show
The Keri Croft Show
Skye & Jason on Surrogacy, Marriage, and the Power of Creating Family for Someone Else
What drives someone to carry another family’s baby?
In this episode of our Infertility Series, I sit down with two of the most extraordinary humans I know — Skye and Jason — the couple who helped bring my daughter Kyle into the world through surrogacy.
Skye opens up about what drew her to this path — a deep love for pregnancy and an even deeper desire to help someone else experience the kind of love only parenthood can bring. Jason gets real about what it took for him to get on board — from long, honest conversations to confronting what it really means to support your partner through something most people can’t wrap their heads around.
Together, they take us inside their surrogacy journey:
🧡 How they explained it all to their young kids
🧡 The awkward questions they got from strangers (which Jason low-key loved)
🧡 What it’s like to carry a child you won’t bring home
🧡 And how this experience made their marriage even stronger
Whether you’re curious about surrogacy, actively exploring it, or just fascinated by how far people will go to help someone else build a family — this conversation is for you.
And if you’re on the path I was on — overwhelmed by agency costs and wondering if you’ll ever find the right match — I’ve created a Find Your Dream Surrogate Workshop to help you do what I did. No agency fees. No gatekeeping. Just the real tools and support you need to take the next step. Find everything you need to know at kericroft.com/surrogacy-workshop.
🎙️ Listen to the full episode now — I can’t wait for you to meet the people who changed my life.
#TheKeriCroftShow #SurrogacyJourney #InfertilitySeries #InfertilityAwarenessMonth #FindYourDreamSurrogate #SurrogacySupport #SurrogacyWithoutAgencies #1in6 #YouAreNotAlone #SayTheThing #ModernMotherhood #JasonAndSkye #FamilyIsFamily
Welcome back to the Keri Croft Show. What kind of person chooses to carry someone else's baby? Not once, but twice. In this episode I sit down with my dream surrogate Skye and her incredible husband Jason, the two people who helped bring my baby girl, kyle, into this world. Skye opens up about the moment she realized this path was meant for her. She knew she loved being pregnant and felt deeply called to help another family experience the kind of joy she already knew so well. And Jason shares what it took to get on that same page, navigating the complex emotions, the deep love and the hard conversations that made them stronger as a couple. We get into all of it the honest talks with their kids, the sideways glances from strangers and the emotional weight of carrying a baby for someone else. Skye felt everything, but she carried it all with perspective, with clarity, with the kind of emotional strength most people never get to witness up close, and for me this is deeply personal. I will forever be grateful to them for their courage, their trust and their willingness to help another family come to life. Their story is a testament to what can happen when two families walk forward with love, respect and purpose, if you're considering surrogacy or just want a deeper understanding of what it really looks like.
Speaker 1:This conversation is for you. Start your journey to parenthood with Pinnacle Fertility Ohio. We offer IVF, surrogacy, genetic testing and more, accepting all insurances and offering flexible payment plans. Your dream of parenthood begins with Pinnacle Fertility Ohio's immediate, affordable care Book now at RGIOhiocom. Okay, I meaniocom, okay, I mean guys, guys, I wouldn't be more excited if I had, like Denzel Washington in here or some like.
Speaker 2:You should be.
Speaker 1:I literally my heart skipped a beat when you said that you guys were here. I was like I miss you. Well, for everyone out there, this is Sky and Jason. Sky was my surrogate and Jason was I. I mean, what do we even say about you? I mean, we gotta go no, behind the guy you were the.
Speaker 1:I mean, you were so great. Yeah, you were so fucking great from the beginning. From the moment I met you guys, I mean you were just such a supportive, but authentically like, genuinely supportive yeah, and that you in, in for the like, out outwardly supportive.
Speaker 1:There was a lot of behind the scenes stuff that was we're gonna get into, we're gonna get, we're gonna get into that yeah we is well, let's start with this because, um, if, if you're listening right now and you haven't listened to sky's previous episode, where you basically told everyone how you guys met and got married, okay, which was like this big you know, you open Pandora's box, everyone knows now, yeah, right, and that's cool and it's all good. Yes, the kids were. They like eh, whatever, the girls I don't remember, I don't even know yeah.
Speaker 3:I was gonna say they were young.
Speaker 2:I mean, they were young, I don't know.
Speaker 3:I've actually talked to the girls about it more recently. Now that they're older, they ask questions now. So I've kind of gone over the story with them again a couple of times and I'm like, but don't ever do that, right.
Speaker 1:Right. So new listeners, you're like, what the hell are you guys talking about? And you're probably already annoyed with me. Which, OK, pump the brakes. Basically, Sky and Jason knew each other for 10 seconds, went to Vegas, got hitched. The rest is history. They did the thing, and I bring that up. I tee it up with that because I think that it takes a certain personality to look at surrogacy and go, oh great, I'm in. And so I want to start with, because, Sky, you were a surrogate twice. We were your second, albeit favorite family.
Speaker 1:I'm a little territorial, but when she first came to you, jason, give us an idea of where you were in your lives, how she teed up the conversation. This is the second one. This is yours. This is the first one, the first time you ever heard that this woman had this glimmer in her eye to carry another person's child.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's a lot to take in. I think that I know her and I know how she is and I know that when she gets passionate about something, she'll listen to me but not really hear what I'm saying. And for me and I say this about her with everything she wants to take care of everybody. She wants to take care of the kids and her parents and my parents and me, and so there's nobody to take care of her, and so my number one priority in any situation is her, and that was the first thing that I said. I'm like okay, I understand what you're saying, you want to do this. How is this going to affect you? Is this like she had?
Speaker 2:We had issues getting pregnant. We had, you know, there were issues, postpartum issues with our kids, and so my concern was her. So it I don't think that it sunk in what was really being asked of the two of us. I think it was more how is this her? That's what I immediately went to, and you know, I think that once I knew that she was gonna be okay, then it was okay. So am I gonna be okay? So then it's more. That's when you know my I kind of started thinking about how I was gonna react to it.
Speaker 2:And in the end, I need somebody in my life that believes in humanity, and that's her, and so I have to back her up when she's doing something that she feels so strongly about. I know that all the intentions are good, I know that she's doing it for all the right reasons. I know she may not think it through completely because it's again putting everyone else in the world first, but I know that what she's doing is a good thing, and so I think in the end we went back and forth with the first one. I mean it was weeks, weeks and weeks of discussions back and forth. It was probably a month before we even met the couple.
Speaker 2:I mean it was a minute just us talking about it, month before we even met the couple. I mean it was, it was a minute just us talking about it. And then we met them and and the first meeting we had with them was great and it you know it kind of that put my mind at ease a little bit, cause that's the other thing you want to we didn't know them. I don't want to say I'm going to let my wife sacrifice all of this, like all of these issues that she could have, all of these concerns that I had for random people. I didn't know who they are. I mean, you know, I don't want to give up on our end for people that don't deserve it.
Speaker 1:It has to feel aligned 100% 100%. You knew you were doing it right. You're like I'm just like most women, right, so like guys, just spoiler alert.
Speaker 2:Here's what goes down.
Speaker 1:Okay, here's what goes down. Okay, here's what goes down. So the women get this idea and they are already like okay, I'm doing this right, yep, I'm doing this, and we're already sold and bought in. And hell hath no fury. Like someone try to like get in our way. So you, we just wait to break your ass down.
Speaker 2:So you guys can make it easy on yourselves, you can make it hard.
Speaker 1:So you just knew, like was it always something, or did something hit you one day where you're?
Speaker 3:like it just hit me one day like, um, a family friend came to us and like kind of brought up the idea because a family friend of hers was the one that needed the surrogate. And so as soon as she mentioned it, I was like how have I never thought about that before? Like I loved being pregnant and I would love to be able to help another family achieve something like that, and it was just like, yeah, I had never thought about it before then.
Speaker 1:Knowing you, it's like of course. It's like there was never a better you know, it makes total sense.
Speaker 2:I mean my God. You know, it makes total sense. Oh, it makes total sense.
Speaker 1:I mean, my God, you know, like in my workshop that I created, it's called Find your Dream Surrogate. I mean, you are the dream, You're a dream person, let's be honest, but like you're a dream surrogate, thank you For sure. Describe your relationship and like your dynamic in three words, and you guys need to agree on those three words. We have to agree on that yeah, like throw some out, and then you guys need to agree on what they are.
Speaker 2:Compromise Ugh I knew you were going to say that.
Speaker 3:Is ugh a word.
Speaker 1:Are we going to do that?
Speaker 2:Before we ever even got together. The day before the day of the day we did get married, like the day we went out. We were at the beach.
Speaker 1:When you were figuring out each other's last names.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we hadn't done that yet.
Speaker 1:That came much later, you're like my last name that came when we were in line Header sheet. Oh, that has a nice ring to it.
Speaker 3:We were in line for a marriage license when I found that out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so that day that's fucking so great. Just her and I went to the beach that day and we were talking about just random things and the idea of marriage just came up and I was like I don't plan on ever getting married because I hate the thought of compromising. I don't want to like, I don't want to have to change any part, like I like who I am.
Speaker 3:I don't want to change any part of me. You said I don't want to feel obligated. Yeah, to go to like her work work functions, yeah if I don't want to and I was like. That seems normal.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so I think that was the.
Speaker 3:Customize is a weird word.
Speaker 1:Yeah it is. But I will say marriage is a negotiation, every relationship is a negotiation.
Speaker 2:I like negotiation much better, Because then I don't feel like I'm giving in. I'm saying my side, she's saying her side and we come to a common ground you're saying you guys are good at that, though. Yes, forgiveness is a big one. Yeah, that's more so on her more so on her end.
Speaker 1:Oh, I can't imagine sometimes, jason, I can't imagine you being at all challenging challenging.
Speaker 2:I like that. I like that word though challenging doesn't sound, doesn't have a negative connotation.
Speaker 1:No, I think you would be just perfect.
Speaker 2:Okay, number three patience I think, and that's that's on both of our. We are. We are very, very different people. Just at our cores we're different, and so being able to listen to each other patiently, open, being open-minded about what the other one is saying, that's something I mean. I work on that. I still, I still work on that a lot, so do I, um don't we all?
Speaker 1:yeah, yeah, if you're not working on it, you probably have a problem. Yes, right, I mean you should be checked out. You need to be, you need to be working on that.
Speaker 2:All show me a couple that says they don't work on it and I'll show you two liars, or you're just checked out and like yes, yeah, yeah, exactly yes.
Speaker 1:This just in Marriage, it be work, yeah, work. W-e-r-k.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes. Exclamation point 100%.
Speaker 1:So you basically, so she brings this thing, yeah, and you're kind of shitting your pants. Yes, not kind of, you were totally shitting your pants fully. And then how did you guys broach it with the kids and did they even have a? Did they even flinch?
Speaker 3:at this point, the first time around, they were young colin was old enough he knew exactly what was going on. Let's see, caitlin had just been born. So caitlin was one, yeah, um, so that means riley was five and colin was seven. So colin and riley kind of knew. We just told them very kind of plainly, like mommy's gonna help this family have a baby, we bought a book about it um that we read to caitlin um and then we kept them very involved.
Speaker 2:We let they talk to the baby. They talked to the baby they talked to the baby Talked to mommy's belly Like we, almost like it was going to be their sibling, yeah.
Speaker 3:But they knew that the baby was not coming home with us yes, Like from day one.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And they got to meet the family and hang out with the family. They did have a daughter who was Riley's age. So, like they got to hang out and play and so they knew that the baby was going to that family and so, yeah, we just kept everybody involved.
Speaker 1:So next step is you know family and friends. What are you going to like, what are they going to think and how do we or did you guys really not even care too much about that?
Speaker 3:We didn't really take friends into consideration. I did talk to my parents about it because I'm close with my parents and of course they are a lot like jason, like worried about me, like how hard is it going to be on my body because I had just had caitlin um, I was even older at that time as far as pregnancy is concerned, so but in the end they know me well enough to like him just get behind and yeah, and really with as far as and my mom was the one who suggested the idea, so because she worked at the infertility at the clinic, and so it really that wasn't.
Speaker 2:It wasn't a big deal. And as far as our friends go I mean we didn't take our friends into consideration when we got married I think that we, I think that's one thing that we are very good about is outside influence we yeah, it's really us we make decisions based on us and we don't really for better or for worse, don't really care what anyone else thinks yeah, any awkward, weird moments with people like intrusive questions or stupid stuff, oh, everything that was my favorite.
Speaker 2:It was my favorite because then I constantly got to say, oh yeah, my wife's pregnant with someone else's kid. It was my favorite because then I constantly got to say, oh yeah, my wife's pregnant with someone else's kid and just watch people's face. Oh my God, like their face. It went from smiling to just completely dropped immediately.
Speaker 1:It was awesome. It was so much fun for both of them, for both of the surrogacies, I'm sure it was amazing.
Speaker 2:I loved it Because it was, oh, my wife's pregnant with someone else's baby. Oh, this is uncomfortable. I'm like. I'm like it's okay, I know the people, it's fine. Just make it even weirder it was so funny. She would get so angry and be like no, no, no, I'm a surrogate, it's fine, I was just uncomfortable.
Speaker 3:I wasn't angry, I just don't like the uncomfortable and he likes it, I love it. Oh, I mean, I feel like that's good. Like you, at least you're owed that right, you could have a little fun with it. Yes, absolutely, so fast forward.
Speaker 1:You're 43 at the time when you got the inquiry about moi. Yeah, now I can only speak from my side of things, but I would love to hear your raw and uncut kind of point of view on the day that we met, uncut kind of point of view on when, the day that we met. So, of course, you know, just give a quick background for again people who haven't listened or new to the scene we had recently lost jade. I was in a complete like mental, you know, juggernaut. We put this whole thing together, dr shepherd and I, and we get this. Dr shepherd's like, we got's, like we got this email. She sounds really cool and she, she's like, reading it to me over the phone, I'm like, oh my gosh, she sounds really lovely. And so we were trying not to get our hopes up and it was like I just need to convince my husband and we're like you know, behind the scenes we're like fuck yeah we're going to convince the husband, all right.
Speaker 1:And we were like going back and forth, like who is this guy, like how hard is he gonna fight? You know, we usually win, we always win this. So we're like having these, like you know, back and forth. Is he gonna, is he gonna say yes?
Speaker 2:what's he gonna do? It's gonna be this battle just assuming.
Speaker 1:Yeah, oh, for sure so probably because of the way I wrote the email well, and because you were 43 at the time and because you've done it before and this is our point of view, right, so you've got this guy who already was on board once. You're now 43, like okay, we have to. Just, we were really hanging on to like we knew that was a big thing, like we were like picturing, like oh my god, when are they how? We were just like, because we really had this vibe about you and your name, sky, we're like, oh, is this, is this the universe? So we get to the point with you. You talk to your ob, you talked it. You know jason's universe. So we get to the point with you. You talk to your OB. You talked to you know Jason's a go. And then we were having the meeting.
Speaker 1:I was so I had two left feet. It was like I was 16, getting ready to like go on my first date. I was looking out the window. You guys, you pull up with your kids. I was like Dr Shepard was there, brady was there, and we go outside and we sit together at the picnic table. So what was your debrief after you guys left?
Speaker 3:Do you want to start?
Speaker 2:And not to toot your horn or anything but it was so comfortable.
Speaker 2:And I do not like to meet new people. It is not my thing. I have the same two friends I've had for the last 20 years. I don't need new friends. I don't need new people. In my life.
Speaker 2:I've got a nice little core and so for me to be comfortable when I first meet someone is that's something it doesn't happen all the time. And from the time I walked in, like just when you came out, you know, you and I have talked and you say that I have this energy, the energy that you brought out of that house I was like, oh my God, like came up, hugged us immediately, like it, just everything felt very, very natural and I think that when we left, it was, it was a relief for me that we had made the right decision, and I say we, in the end, she's going through the majority of it, but it is a decision that we had made the right decision. And I say we, in the end she's going through the majority of it, but it is a decision that we both have to make. And we accept it.
Speaker 2:You accept that, I accept that, and in the end it was like man we this is it.
Speaker 3:This was, yeah. I remember getting in the car and just being like, oh my God, this is perfect, like this is so meant to be.
Speaker 2:I want to party with you.
Speaker 3:We were like when can we hang out with?
Speaker 2:them again.
Speaker 3:We've got to set something up now.
Speaker 1:Well, you know it's funny. It's like I knew I don't know and like it's funny. Actually, I understand. I say it's funny but I understand totally when you say you hate meeting new people. Someone would never get that from you because you're so seemingly extroverted. But I'm the same way where I have that same internal thing. You had such a quiet but I knew like a strong presence. I just felt so safe, like knowing I'm, like if I had the honor, like if she will, if she will have me, how blessed, how lucky are we to have her. Like I was, just I was sitting next to you, just like, oh my gosh. And then I felt the same way, like I'm like we're gonna, they're gonna be at Kyle's Sweet 16.
Speaker 1:Like I mean, this is like I knew it and like I know, when I talk to people now because I have become this advocate for people in this workshop and I'm now offering like doing one-on-one, like walk with you to find the surrogate, when I talk to couples, I have to kind of temper my experience a little bit because it almost feels too good to be true. It's unbelievable, right like, and I and I that's what I tell people. I have actually this girl who's going through it right now and she's so sweet and she's asking me a lot of questions and recently she sent me a text and she said did your surrogate? Or she said, did you have a baby shower and did you invite the surrogate and did you get her a print? And all I did was send her the photo of you in the middle of all my friends.
Speaker 1:I go, well, I go, it's kind of we kind of like it was kind of her baby shower and like, yes, I'm like I treated her like a queen because I wanted to and she liked it and we both loved it.
Speaker 2:I'm like again, I'm not trying to say this is right for everyone but it was just so fucking great and it still can like I my excitement to see you guys today probably isn't the average.
Speaker 1:You're like, standing out there I'm like, oh yeah, there they are. So I mean, feeling was mutual. Feeling was mutual. Give a little behind the scenes though, of like when she's pregnant with somebody it's nine months she's in a bad mood or she's tired and like all this stuff causes stress, it causes tension. But now it's like stress and tension on behalf of like I don't care how much you like brady and I, you're like, fuck these guys, they're out, you know living their same life. And I'm dealing with this shit. Like how did like arguments? Or like, were you salty sometimes? Or were you like how did that work?
Speaker 2:I I would love to say, like I would love to have this story about all of this conflict that we had and how we overcame it. Was this difficult time, it just wasn't. I I don't know if it's because we had been through before. I don't know if we've been through a lot of, a lot of shit in our marriage. Like us as a couple, we've been through a lot of stuff.
Speaker 2:I mean, you get married. You get married you don't even know a person, so you spend your first year getting to know and that's like your first year of dating. It's amazing. Well then the second year is like your first year of marriage, which, from what I'm told, is brutal for most people, and so we went through a lot of shit, and so I think that we have a very, we have a strong relationship, and so I think and and it helped that we had just moved into a house that had a pool, so that summer, like, I was enjoying the pool and you know she was pregnant, but she was able to get into the I mean it was, I don't know it it there wasn't a lot of there wasn't a lot of that arguments and conflict, and I don't know and I I think that's good to hear.
Speaker 1:I think that's good for people to hear that like what I think, when you're both on board with something and you feel aligned in it and that you're doing something like this, because I I think the point that I want people to understand there's a lot of them, but it's. It sounds so overwhelming and so crazy, but it's really. It's really not. I mean, it is like a pregnancy is very serious. I'm not trying to minimize that, but it isn't like I don't know. I think it doesn't have to be like this huge, crazy, wild thing it is what you make of it yeah, for sure 100 and pregnancy always like chills me out anyways and it helps that she's had good pregnancies.
Speaker 2:Like I, I don't know. I like I can't speak to. You know, I can't speak to having a rough pregnancy and what you go through, like as the, as the husband, what you go through if your wife is sick all the time feels like crap, all the time, upset, grumpy, all the time. I just I just didn't have to deal with that, and so I think that that you know that made it a little easier for me. You know, when she's sick I like taking care of her. That's not a problem for me, so I don't mind.
Speaker 2:You know, I always say I'd much rather take care of her than have to have her take care of me. So that's why when I'm sick, I just go lock myself in my room and tell everyone to stay the hell away from me, but when she's sick I want to be right next to her the whole time, you know. And so I think that because of that I don't know she she doesn't want me to take care of her all the time, and so a lot of times she doesn't even tell me that she's not feeling well. So I think we just I don't know.
Speaker 3:it's just easier and the pool definitely helped a lot when I was uncomfortable. I would just go float in the pool.
Speaker 1:Pools in the summer, always, always help. Yeah, do. Surrogacy experience brought you guys closer 100 absolutely, yeah, absolutely yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think that and again to your point talking it, it has to be weird for you talking to other people that go through difficulty finding a surrogate and then having to interview multiple surrogates and just not clicking and it just doesn't work out.
Speaker 2:And you know it, I don't know it worked out so well for us, the pregnancy went so well for us. There just weren. You know, we had the hiccup there the one time and we just, you know, kind of reset ourselves and got right back into it and everything was fine. So I think that, again, it's all about when it comes to the surrogate, it's all about the relationship with her partner. If there's a strong relationship with her partner, the surrogacy will be fine. And you know again not trying to be argumentative when you have a baby inside of you, those babies like I'm not one that says, oh, the baby's in a, the pregnancy is in a bad environment, the baby will be bad. But I do think that it can affect how they come out, how they are when they're little. If they're in a calm environment, when they're in the womb and they come out, I think that there's a chance that they're gonna be calm. I think that just seems like common sense to me.
Speaker 1:And so, yeah, that's a very big deal, and that's another thing.
Speaker 2:So when we're you know she's pregnant with someone else's baby, I almost feel like we're more cautious about it, because we're, it's not ours.
Speaker 1:It's not ours.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we, you know our kids. We can scream and holler at each other because we're dealing with it. Dealing with it when they come out, but like when it's someone else, I think we were probably a little more cautious than we were with our kids.
Speaker 1:I bet the sex life was a little. You're like oh, don't want to poke over here, Don't want to poke over there, Got somebody else's baby in you.
Speaker 2:That was the one time. I don't think I was cautious. I didn't really think about it when that was going on. Luckily it all turned out fine, so it's okay.
Speaker 1:All good, all good, Okay. So would you do it again if you were young enough?
Speaker 3:Absolutely. Yeah, I love being pregnant. If I could be pregnant for the rest of my life, I would. It just makes me a chill person. I'm happy. I don't feel bad about what I eat. Yeah, uh, but yeah, my body's like I'm done well, now for sure.
Speaker 1:But you're what now?
Speaker 3:44, I just turned 46, 46 just turned, 46 last weekend my time is like I know it's crazy but yeah, if I was younger I would 100% do it again.
Speaker 2:So you're with the workshop, Is it? Do you talk to surrogates?
Speaker 1:too, like, do you? So here's how it's going down. So I created this workshop. That's basically they can buy the whole like I've gone behind the scenes and I have basically, from the beginning to end of my experience, so peeling back the business model of an agency, talking to all those different agencies, figuring out what they charge, all the different elements, the pillars that go go into it, what's important. So I went and just did it's this really cool? Like I didn't want to call it a PowerPoint because that sounds, but it's like all these graphics, audio video of me, um, walking them through, and then I have like I'll have this inside of there too for people.
Speaker 1:But I have my attorney did a podcast. Life insurance did a podcast. We talk escrow. We talk about everything from like beginning to end, how you market yourself, build your A-team, because my strategy with this because what you were saying is like talking to people who aren't a fit it is so important that that I you feel the way, or some of the way that I felt about you, where I felt like this baby would be cared for. There was never a moment where I felt anything other than just blessed and like the like, this good feeling, and you can't discount that because you're so desperate for a baby that you just are going to look for the first person. So my strategy is starting with your core, and so who loves you more than your core? No one. So you enlist your A-team that's closest to you that have access to pockets of people For example, jesse Pizzuti, people who maybe if you have a teacher who has access to an email list in a school system, of course, labor and delivery nurses, dr Shepard, she has 45 practitioners. You create that marketing material, you galvanize your core and you give them all the things they need and then you send them out and then you go into the universe and I believe a million percent that that is a better strategy. And I believe a million percent that that is a better strategy If you are.
Speaker 1:So the workshop is for someone who, first of all, cannot afford $150,000 ticket for an agency. They can't afford a two-year wait list. Not all of them have that, but there are some. And if you are resourceful and you can manage a complex process. So, like there are different things, you're dealing with legal, you're dealing with life insurance, escrow, the surrogate relationship, the what ifs that come with growing a life inside of you. So you have to be able to kind of Aaron Brockovich the situation.
Speaker 1:But there are me's out there who this is perfect for that will. They won't have to spend all of that, and I believe that you know too. The surrogate should get paid more than what they get paid, so like, if you're not paying all that money, then maybe you could like even if it's like 10% more. Or you know, some of these surrogates are making $30,000. That's not enough, especially when you see the agency getting paid $150,000. Now, $30,000 is low on the low end, but still the surrogate's the hero, you know. So the workshop is basically plug and play. You do it yourself. I'm here for like help. Q&a-wise want to hire me to do the one-on-one? Then I will enlist my network with your network, walk with you and take the lead on managing this stuff so you don't have to, for like a fraction of the price.
Speaker 2:That's amazing. I mean there's there. There has to be a huge market for that.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:I think it's funny. When we went through the first surrogacy, I think people that we would talk to people we would talk to talk to would be like she's doing what Is that even a thing? And with the second one there were still plenty of people that didn't understand what it was. But I do feel like more people we talked to maybe they knew us and they knew what we had already been through.
Speaker 2:But I do think that it's becoming more and more a thing and people are getting more familiar with it than it was when we did it the first time One of the nurses that I worked with in the ER.
Speaker 3:She just was a surrogate for her sister last year, so I feel like it's becoming more common. Yeah, it is.
Speaker 1:I mean, and you have same-sex couples trying to get pregnant and build families, you have women who are older and you have just the people who have medical conditions that are putting their bodies at risk because they don't feel like there's another way. So I do. I mean, the demand for it is ridiculous and I just want to be like I can't wait, Like this is so new and I've started talking to couples.
Speaker 1:I am so excited to get my first couple where I'm like that couple, we're going to find somebody Like I'm hitching that couple we gonna find somebody like, like, like, I'm hitching. Like I am, like I cannot. You know Dr Shepard's ready to like light up all the same marketing. I have a sister now that's an OB.
Speaker 1:I mean you're in the NICU, we have got so many reasons right and like, just with this community that I've built, that that they hear surrogacy I want you to think Keri Croft, Surrogacy, like I say it all the time, I just can't wait Like I'm so excited.
Speaker 2:It's awesome.
Speaker 1:So for people who are having the conversation or maybe this just gave them a light bulb moment of like, oh my God, I never thought about being a surrogate what would be like the biggest piece of advice for the couple considering it.
Speaker 3:Biggest piece of advice? Well, the couple. They have to be on the same page. So you've got to talk it out and be on the same page right off the bat.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there can be doubt when you're first talking about it, but when you sign on the dotted line for lack of a better term you have to be 100% on the same page. You have to be there, cannot be, it can't be the. You know my side, the husband, father, can't say I mean, I think it'll be fine, then don't do it. It's the because then you know you talked about what kind of arguments did you have at the end? What kind of conflict did you have?
Speaker 2:I think that that conflict comes from not being on the same page right from the start. And again, take your time. Don't jump into it Like don't let the wife or the surrogate or the spouse, don't let them take control and just say we're doing it, take the time to talk about it, take the time to research, make sure you really understand what it means. Yeah, it worked out great for us, but I'm sure that there's, for every story that we have, there's probably 10 stories where it's not like that, and so you really need to make sure you do your research and you are on the same page and you have to stay on the same page.
Speaker 3:You're right, like you have to communicate through the entire thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can't say, oh yeah, I'm 100 in and then one month into it say, well, I mean, I wasn't really 100 and that's not gonna work.
Speaker 1:It doesn't work like that well, you really did walk the walk, because to say that you're 100 in, but then you know, you, you went, and I'm not saying you have to come to every single appointment, but but just I mean, you went to every single appointment, you didn't miss one.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And so I think, when you're considering it, you have to remember like you should treat it as if it was your, like your child, in terms of commitment to the partner, um, and maybe try to come to, if you can't make all of them like, really be as supportive as you can. Walking the walk. Walk as opposed to like yeah, you got a yes from me, so I'm going to be a dick the rest of the nine months and you go, do that.
Speaker 3:I'm going to be over here. That's a great point.
Speaker 2:That's a great point being involved. You need to still. You can't just say I'm in but then not be involved.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's not just her thing. You have to be involved in it. You're in it together.
Speaker 2:Yep For sure.
Speaker 1:And like in terms of preparing emotionally and mentally before stepping into the journey, I think just time, research, communication, definitely, and going with your gut yeah.
Speaker 2:And really understanding, really like talk to people that have been surrogates. I'm sure that there are resources out there. There are people that are willing to talk to you. Talk to a surrogate and see what it's like to carry a baby for nine months and then give it up, like that's that's what I can't. That's what I can't. I, I just from my side. I can't wrap my head. I just can't wrap my head around that. What emotionally, what that does um to a surrogate, I mean, it's that I just can't.
Speaker 3:I just can't even imagine that I get every time I tell somebody that I've been a surrogate, like how can you carry a baby and then just give it up? Like well, I'm not giving it up, like I was basically babysitting, like I feel like in my brain I just am able to look at it as like babysitting, I'm fostering, you know, this beautiful baby and for a family, and it's the most fulfilling and rewarding thing that you could ever imagine. And being able to do that for another family is it's just ind fulfilling and rewarding thing that you could ever imagine. And being able to do that for another family is it's just indescribable. So I just never. It was never giving. I was never giving up my baby because it wasn't my baby.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean I do, and I think that brings up a great point when you're beginning your search for a surrogate, the reason why it's so important. One of the reasons why it's so important to do a very thorough psychological background check and that the surrogate has a very stable support system. Ie, your family and your friends was not mentally stable. They could sort of muddy the waters there, and so it's it's super important to do your research, understand that what the person's home life is. Have they had a background check from a psychological perspective, like what is their angle?
Speaker 3:Have they had babies of their own?
Speaker 1:Yes, have they had babies of their own, which that is again, you should not have a surrogate that did not have a proven. In my opinion, I would never suggest a surrogate that didn't already have a proven successful pregnancy, ever. I don't care how desperate you are for a child, that's not in my medical experience, in my common sense, practical experience, and I think any legal or medical person would probably back me up with that is like number one, two and three have they had successful pregnancies in the past? So you know all of that to say, taking your time and really the gut feel like, ok, they check these boxes, which is all great, but what's your gut? Read on this and your intuition, because it really does spend, spend some time.
Speaker 2:The families and the surrogates spend some time together. Before you sign anything, before you agree to anything, spend at least a little bit of time. Have a couple meetings in different environments. Don't just go to the surrogate's house or the family's house. Go out to dinner one night, Go to the park, Be around other kids, See what the family's like around other kids for the surrogate and see what the surrogate's like around other kids for families. I mean, the surrogates have to be. Everyone's got to be patient and understanding of the process, but there's a lot of stuff that's uncomfortable. There's a lot of questions that are uncomfortable that the family has a right to ask and that the surrogate has a right to ask. I mean, everyone's got to understand that this is not a you know, oh sweet, I'm going to make some money. This is going to be fun for nine months. It's not that simple.
Speaker 3:No, not at all.
Speaker 2:Understand it's a process, understand that it's going to be uncomfortable at times.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which is also why you have to have a lot of smart people who know what the hell they're doing. Because, to your point too, it's like your beliefs around, like what if you have to somehow abort the baby? What if the baby has a severe chromosomal issue? What if there's something like health risk for you? What if you go? I mean there are a million things. And that's where the legal team that my legal team out of Cincinnati was like top notch, um, so great, and just helped.
Speaker 1:You can't avoid every landmine, like you never know what's going to happen. There could be some crazy circumstance, but for the most part, if you get a legal team and your life insurance, um, but they will help you with your life insurance. Like all the policies, they have seen things. They know what to look for. Life insurance like all the policies, they have seen things. They know what to look for. They understand all of the details.
Speaker 1:Like how many embryos are you going to like? How many times are you going to try if you keep miscarrying? Like that was one thing with us. When you said earlier about the hiccup when we had the miscarriage, I was like, oh God, are they going to be done? Because it's too, because you're going through a miscarriage on my behalf. Right, I was just a wreck over that and you know, when you not to say you couldn't have said you know I can't do this anymore, but up front you make that decision together like we'll do this. I think it was like three times or something. So there's all those like the more detailed and just really like pragmatic and methodical you can be in the beginning. So it just helps so much.
Speaker 2:No matter how absurd the question seems, ask it. Yes, it does not matter how ridiculous it seems or how over the top it seems. There was stuff with the first one and I was like, well, you're going to have to have a whole new wardrobe, right, right? I mean like, are we buying clothes? It's not something you would even think about, but but like, no matter how ridiculous you think the question is, ask yeah, and if your attorneys are good which they should be they put stuff in there for that.
Speaker 1:They give you like a monthly stipend for things. Or you know, in our, in our situation, two people ask us all the time about the relationship and like the communication. I'm like I would always like, once a month, want to do something nice for them because I wanted to. But sky was also very good at just receiving. She wasn't like we didn't have to go through this back and forth of like, but I'm like I want to do this. She's like great, I will receive this, and so we would do dinner.
Speaker 1:Hell yeah, did Dan's come in, right, but again we had that Like I like talking to you, I liked all of that. But you can build that stuff into an agreement where, like, if you're a moat, like I can also understand. Like being an intended parent, like, let's say, you were really mourning the loss of being able to carry your own child and this was not a happy process for you, like my. My situation was one situation, so you have to remember somebody else. It may be triggering, like even talking to a surrogate right which seems counterintuitive, but it's out there and so you can build those things in ahead of time to be like, hey, I want to really care for this person but I can't really have communication, you know.
Speaker 3:But all of that upfront, don't wait do not wait and be honest about it upfront, yeah.
Speaker 1:Another big, big question is being in the room you know with. Does the surrogate want you to be in the room for the delivery? I'm sure there are some surrogates maybe not. I would feel like most of them would probably be okay with it. Um, but you know, of course we had our adjoining rooms and I kept coming into your room like, like. So do you think it's awkward if I come back in? I know you're in labor and everything, but I kind of miss you guys. I mean, I don't know if we're going to have that with every relationship, but I was sad when you guys remember me. I was sad when you guys left the hospital. Yeah, I was like, oh, that means yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:I was like damn, yeah, we were. I was sad too.
Speaker 1:You know. So I mean you have to just be so, so diligent, Like, for example, when I had this recent conversation with life insurance. They just they just came out with miscarriage insurance, so as of January, and so all these different things that are available, or changes and like surrogacy changes state by state and all the shit that goes on. Make sure you have someone in your corner that's been there and that knows what the hell they're doing. You know anything else like misconceptions or anything you want people to know about couples that choose to do to be surrogates?
Speaker 2:I think and I know we keep coming back to this, but I definitely think that you, the surrogate and their partner, have to be honest with themselves and honest about the relationship with themselves. If you, I think that, deep down, people know who they are, uh, and you either know that this is something you can do or you don't. You're either a selfish person or you're not a selfish person. I don't care which way you go, but you have to be honest, because this is this is a legitimate commitment. This is not like, yeah, we'll try it out, and if it doesn't work, fine, that's not how this works. And so I think that, as a couple, you have to be honest with yourselves, that you're strong enough to go through this. This is not for everybody. This is not just a paycheck. This is something that is going to affect you physically, emotionally both people, not just the surrogate.
Speaker 2:And I think that if you cannot be honest and say we are strong enough to get through something like this, imagine because I think for me, I always imagine the worst and decide if I can handle the worst. If I can handle the worst, you know what I mean. So we get six months into it and something happens, sky is at risk. We have to make these kinds of decisions. Are we strong enough? Not, am I strong enough. Are we strong enough to handle that? And if you can honestly say that you're strong enough to handle as a couple, to handle the worst case scenario, then you should do it, because it's going to be hard to find anything more rewarding even as a couple, not just the surrogate, but even as the partner. It's unbelievable.
Speaker 1:We were all in tears.
Speaker 3:I know I wasn't in tears.
Speaker 1:Oh no, your eyes were really dry that day. You can cut that I was not in tears.
Speaker 2:My kids might listen to this. I don't cry in front of them. You can cut that. Your eyes were really dry that day. You can cut that. I was not in tears. My kids might listen to this. I don't cry in front of them. You can cut that.
Speaker 1:Oh, my god, I mean that was like the bet, like those pictures, too, that we had, I mean it, just like I felt like my body had left the ground, you know, and like having the whole village, having that experience, and like that's where you look at it and you're like, well, shit you. This may sound weird to most people and most people don't have to go through this, but for those who do like to make sure they get something in that neighborhood of that experience is very important to me. Yeah, they deserve that, because if you're in that situation, you've probably worked really, really hard and you're probably in an emotional state and like you deserve the other side of the rainbow. And you guys were definitely the other side of the rainbow for us big time it was.
Speaker 2:It was legitimately surreal. I'm not, uh, I'm not an overly emotional person, I'm not a you know, I don't have all these higher ideas about life and what things are like, but it was, it was, it was something it's. It is completely indescribable.
Speaker 1:And you know to your point about it's not just a paycheck. It's like if it's really great to get some money for sure, are you kidding me If you have all the other stuff with it? Like you love being pregnant, you have, you know, had really great, great pregnancies. You have a partner who's on board. All the money should be like number. It should be on the list, but it should be the last thing on the list, because when you to your point the unthinkable or the shit that you have to go through, and when you divide all that by like 11 months or whatever, it's fine. But it's not like you're getting 10 million dollars, I mean. So you know, I think you balance the altruism and then, oh, by the way, I get a nice, you know, chunk of change to do X, y and Z with. But if you're front loading with, oh, we can make some quick cash.
Speaker 2:If that's why you're doing it, don't do it.
Speaker 1:I definitely could not agree with that more and I just don't think you're going to be the right. You have to have the heart.
Speaker 3:For sure Right. Anything else before we close out this wonderful, awe-inspiring chat with my, like, two of my absolute faves. I don't know, just it's the most fulfilling thing that you could ever do. So if there's anybody that wants to be a surrogate and you know that, you know you can do it. You're not worried about, you know, giving up the baby. Maybe you're worried about what's going on with your body, whatnot? Just do it. It's the most fulfilling thing you could ever imagine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and again, be honest. Like I said, I mean you know trust your wife. Like, Like I said, I mean you know trust your wife Like she knows her body, she knows what she can handle. But you need to, as the partner, you need to make sure that you can handle it. Yeah, and don't lie to yourself and don't say, well, I'm going to do it because she wants to do it, that's not a reason to do it. You need to make sure you understand it's a commitment.
Speaker 2:You know, when people get pregnant and you go through the pregnancy and you're like, well, it's okay, it's worth this, it's worth the suffering because we're gonna have a baby at the end, we're gonna have it like we're gonna have a kid. Well, this is, is it worth the suffering to then not have the baby? You're not going home with this. Like the reason people get pregnant ideally is because they want to have kids. And you're doing that part of it without the Final part, like the whole reason that you did it in the first place you don't have that reason, yeah, so make sure you understand it's not.
Speaker 2:It's not. This is not a normal pregnancy. This is not. Oh, my wife's just pregnant again. That that is not even close to what this is physically it is, but everything else involved is not. It's not a normal pregnancy, yeah.
Speaker 3:Him being so supportive and there for all the appointments and like at my side the entire time was a game changer like that. I couldn't have done it without you.
Speaker 1:You guys are cute, you really are.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's taken a lot of work. It's taken a lot of time to get to this Listen we can.
Speaker 1:Let's do a little pivot here into just marriage, shall we? If we were all just being honest, marriage is the universe's design to like fuck with you, like it is truly, can be the best thing in the world, but it could also be one of the most frustrating. Like you're, you, like it's, like the world is like day, oh, and no, we're going to put you with this person. There's no way out, there's no way out.
Speaker 2:You fuckers figure it out.
Speaker 1:The more you're honest and just show your light, Everybody else is like oh, I feel seen and then we can just like, have better conversations and relationships and like, and besides that I do hate to spoil everybody's like facade. People know, we all know two human beings living together. It's a challenge. You ever cry over Skye, Like because you love her so much?
Speaker 2:That's a weird question, very loaded. That's a loaded question.
Speaker 1:I love you so much.
Speaker 2:Scott, I feel like there's no way I get out of this without either looking like a giant pussy or an asshole. But you're my baby, you're my all-time lady.
Speaker 1:I get emotional sometimes. No, I'm sure you do. But men, I mean men, have you know again, you have to have more of a.
Speaker 2:there's a natural, there's a natural veneer, you know, there's no doubt and there's no doubt that I think that you know again such a cliche. But society has built up that this is what's masculine and this is what's not masculine, and I think that there are guys. I don't. I don't think that I subscribe to that. I don't think that I'm I hold my emotions in because I feel like I need to be masculine. I feel like it's just the way you was raised.
Speaker 1:I mean my, you know my dad doesn't show a ton of emotion.
Speaker 2:It's just not his thing, um, and I think that that's I kind of like, that's what I kind of fell into, that same kind of thought process.
Speaker 1:We could have a whole other podcast about marriage, though, oh my gosh, couldn't we? Yeah, we've got lots of advice and lots of stories.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and just like our experiences. I mean, you know she has parents that are still married. Grandparents stayed married the whole time. I have parents that were divorced and remarried and grandparents that were divorced when they were grandparents and remarried. I mean like so we have a lot of we've seen a lot of stuff, a lot of options, it's a whole thing.
Speaker 1:Well, I love you guys, we love you, we love you. We love you guys so much You're like my faves and I can't wait for us to have another gathering. I don't know what it's going to be.
Speaker 3:This summer you guys can come swim, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, please, please. I need to justify the cost of owning a pool, so please come.
Speaker 1:All right, you two, you've made my week.
Speaker 2:We love you. You made our week too. Thank you. I was so excited to come here.
Speaker 1:And I've got Chef Dog coming in this week, I've got Dr Jane coming in. I mean it's a jam-packed.
Speaker 2:Dr Jane. I love Dr Jane.
Speaker 1:It's a jam-packed infertility series and family building April. All right, guys, if you're still out Spotify, apple or wherever you get your podcasts and until next time, have questions about surrogacy, reach out to me. Clearly, I know people who know people, who know people. And if you're looking for a surrogate, just go to the kerrycroftcom and look at my Find your Dream Surrogate Workshop. And until next time, keep moving, baby, If you've made it to the end of this episode. Thank you so much for listening. And if infertility is part of your story, we've created a few powerful ways to support you. During the month of May, we're launching a free Slack channel because we know firsthand just how isolating infertility can be. Whether you're navigating IVF, grieving a loss, exploring surrogacy or just need a safe place to exhale, this space is here for you. It's more than a chat thread. It's a community of support, shared stories and quiet strength. Come as you are, ask the questions, share the wins and the heartbreaks and know that you are not alone in this.
