The Keri Croft Show
The Keri Croft Show
The Cost of Control: Amber’s Story of Disordered Eating, Infertility & Coming Back to Herself
I’ve known Amber for a long time. She was an OG at SOS and back then I could sense something was off, but I didn’t know the full story. I didn’t know she was quietly fighting a battle with food, control, and over-exercise that was stealing so much more than just her energy—it was stealing her presence. Her joy. Her health. Her period.
It wasn’t until we recorded the Infertility Series that I learned the whole story—and damn, it hit me hard.
In this episode, Amber gets brutally honest about what it’s like to live inside the mental spiral of orthorexia and exercise addiction. We talk about how that level of control shows up in everyday life, how it impacts relationships, and what it takes to finally break free. Because this isn’t just about food or fitness. This is about being so consumed by the need to control, that you miss out on life itself.
She talks about:
- Losing her period for years—and why that was the wake-up call
- Hiding disordered habits behind “health”
- Why presence is the real flex
- The little moments that helped her start healing
- What it looks like to work out and eat because you love yourself, not because you hate your body
If you're listening and your stomach is turning a little, or you're recognizing something in yourself or someone you love—listen all the way through. Amber’s story is powerful, but more importantly, it’s proof that healing is possible.
You don’t have to stay stuck. There’s a way out. The door is open.
📩 DM me anytime @kericroftshow
📩 Or reach out to Amber—she’s a safe, judgment-free, badass resource
📩 And PLEASE share this with someone who needs it
You never know who needs to hear it today.
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Mentioned in this episode:
- Boss Gal Beauty Bar
- Donaldson Plastic Surgery
- Panacea Luxury Spa Boutique
- The Fluff Laundry Service
- Headspace by Mia Santiago
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Follow along:
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Website: https://www.kericroft.com
#TheKeriCroftShow #OrthorexiaRecovery #BodyImageHealing #MentalHealthAwareness #DisorderedEating #StrongNotObsessed #PresenceOverPerfection #RealTalk
Hey there you beautiful badass. Welcome to the Keri Croft Show. I'm your host, keri Croft, delivering you stories that get you pumped up and feeling like the unstoppable savage that you are. So grab your coffee, put on your game face and let's do this thing. Baby Ready to elevate your self-care game? Boscal Beauty Bar is a modern med spa offering everything from cosmetic injectables, lasers and microneedling to medical grade facials and skincare. Conveniently located in Clintonville, grandview, powell and Easton. Making self-care a priority has never been easier. Use code KROFT for $25 off your first visit.
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Speaker 3:You know, you were just here in april, now it's may. I couldn't get enough of you. I know I couldn't get enough of you. I was like I have to reel her.
Speaker 2:I gotta put my pole back in the water and reel this fish back in. So glad you did. You know so. You and I were sitting down for the infertility series yes, and you were a you're a long time sos-er, so I've known you for a very long time. You're very near and dear to my heart, and you threw me for a loop there for a minute during the infertility thing because you started going into your story and your journey with food and exercise and I was like, oh wow, like there's a lot to unpack here. Yeah, so my brain got to thinking like we need to hear more about your story outside of the infertility journey, because I know that a lot of people go through this. Yes, a lot.
Speaker 3:A lot of people and I think I knew a lot of people go through it. But after the infertility series aired, I heard from more people than I imagined I would hear from, not only from themselves but people they knew whether it was the infertility, but then so many people as well that struggle with those. That situation that I did with over-exercising and you know, controlling food and just trying to control aspects of your life.
Speaker 2:What would you diagnose? Do you have a specific diagnosis, like was it exercise? What do they call exercise addiction?
Speaker 3:There's a name for it, so I was diagnosed with amenorrhea and then that's just the loss of period. I knew from myself it was orthorexia, overexercising, controlling the things I was putting into my body. That never came out as an official diagnosis. However, I know that's what my problem was, I know that's what I had and I knew that that's what my battle was in terms of healing and, um, what I needed to overcome what about the food?
Speaker 2:were you anorexic? Were you bulimic? Were you just very?
Speaker 3:like I was very restrictive, I was just I would control. I would just control as people like I only want to eat healthy things, I only want to be like protein and vegetables and like carbs that are, you know, only sweet potatoes, like stupid, stupid things. But that I say stupid, but in the, in the sense it's not right. It was just controlling the caloric intake, right getting to the point where I knew like, okay, this is where I feel good and I'm full, and then I'm done, and then I won't eat this any anything else let's talk about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I have a fascination with this too, because we all have our food things we all do.
Speaker 2:You know I've had my own and still watch certain things. But when you are so in control of your food, but you're still human, like I know you have cravings, I know you want to eat that pizza. Or when you're socially out and people have nachos at the table, like it has to bug you. Did you play games with yourself? Did you give yourself I can have two chips? Yep, I can have a day Like can you walk through what that path? And then I want to walk through what it is to like how it's changed.
Speaker 3:So at that time everything had to be very planned. So if I knew I had something coming up, if I knew I had a happy hour for work, we had a party to go to, I would plan around that. And that was the part that was really difficult, because that's what I would try to. There was shame, there was a lot of shame for me around that Like, am I really doing this? Am I really going to plan this? But at the end of the day I would. That's how I would get through it.
Speaker 3:And I'd be like okay, I'm going to have a really light breakfast and a really light lunch, and that way A I want to enjoy myself. Was I really? No, because I had other things on my mind, but I didn't want anyone else around me to think anything was wrong. And so then I would like okay, be restrictive during the day, so that I was not. I could appear as if I was fine at night and indulge and be okay with it. But then the next morning I would feel terrible and I'd be like I'll skip breakfast.
Speaker 2:When you say indulge though like my idea of indulging and yours might be a little bit different. So like I'm going to give you an example If I go out to a happy hour and there's like 12 wings sitting there and some nachos, I'm going to have my share of that. Like I'll probably have like four wings and like a third of the nachos.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so my, I would have a little bit of of, a little bit of whatever was around typically in that situation. Let's say, I'd probably go after some wings a little bit more for, yeah, protein and um, but also for me, like the, the alcohol, like I'd be like, oh, there's just, there's a lot of calories in that.
Speaker 3:It's a lot of. You know, I just need to, I need to watch. And then the other thing for me was pizza, love pizza. So I'd be like, well, I'm gonna have a piece, but then that's all I'm gonna have and two drinks, and then I need to be done. But then the other piece of that too was I mean, you would be smashed after two drinks when you're like you have nothing.
Speaker 2:So I guess let's get down to the. You know, the part of this that I think is truly sad and really important to bring up is are you ever really present? You know, are you ever really in a moment where you're enjoying your life and you're enjoying like locking eyes with someone, because your voice and your head is constantly consumed with pushing something around on your plate, Yep, and and that's all you're focused on?
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, as I learned in the infertility series, now I'm able to verbalize and articulate these things that for so long I wasn't, I wasn't being honest with myself, I wasn't being honest with the people that are nearest and dearest to me. I mean, so many of my close family and friends were like what on earth is going on. My husband got just slammed with people asking him what is wrong with her, what is going on? She's not Amber Like something's very off and it was. It was very off.
Speaker 3:And, to be very honest with you, when I think back to those times, a it's shameful because I hate that. I went through it and I was who I was at that time, but at the same time, I'm also proud of it because it's my story and I'm and I'm, I've beat it and I've come through it. It's also very hard for me to remember those times because I was so not present and that's not who I am. And so I'll go back to those times and think about events or things that I was, I was at but my soul wasn't there, like I wasn't present, and I try to think back to some of the memories and high level stuff. I'll remember, sure, but intricate things about conversations, things that I I'm a through and through people person, relationship builder. That's who I am.
Speaker 3:And so when I think back to those times and I can't remember those little moments, those little pieces of people that to me are cherished moments, that's what I love about getting to know people now and meeting new people and building relationships in my life. I love knowing those little trinkets about people. And when I think back to those times and I can't remember those things, it kills me because it it just wasn't who I, who I am, um and not being present, um right now. When I think about it, it just kills me. But it's like you'd have a new lease on life.
Speaker 2:100 you know, my gosh like that's. That's the, I think too, with you. You have such a long life ahead of you, great life ahead of you, and having gone through that is going to, um, make your lens that much more vibrant and aware. I mean, that's the beauty of the hard and the darkness, yes, is, if you allow it to, it will color you in a way that you're like holy shit, like I would, I would, I would do this again because, because, because of the people that I get to help, and because I see life in such a more vivid and and like I'm just sucking the nectar out of it.
Speaker 3:Who were.
Speaker 2:So you know, you really figure out who your true friends are as you get older and as you go through things in life. And I'm not saying that people who just didn't say anything to you aren't true friends, because sometimes true friends don't know how to handle it. But do you remember the people who did say things to you that cared enough to be like, look, I know, this is uncomfortable.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like who were those people. It's funny because, as I had mentioned, so many of the people in my life did not come, yeah, like who were those people? Often? And they knew, they were very careful with what they said to me, but they knew. And it was silly because, even though I thought I was hiding things, they knew, they knew better and they would never call me out, but they would say things to me that would make me ponder. And I knew that they knew and they knew that I knew. But it took a while before we really unpacked that situation together. It took time for both, for both sides, for us to really be honest about it. The other person who, more than anyone, said things to me that it was these little pieces that my father-in-law would drop to me that.
Speaker 3:I knew and it's funny because I knew my parents cared so much, but they did not know how to talk to me about it and my father-in-law. I know he knew, Everyone knew I looked different. But he would drop these little nuggets to me of just like it was never anything like earth shattering, but it was small offerings of help.
Speaker 1:And he is not earth side anymore. Um, but he did so much for me in my healing and I never got to thank him for that. He's just an incredible human and everyone who knew him loved him and he would drop these little nuggets. I'm trying to think of one.
Speaker 3:I'm trying to think of a just something, something silly, like he might know that I would. Everyone knew, right, I loved working out and this and that, and he'd be like how about you go on a? Let's go on a walk, don't have to, you don't have to go do that today, let's go on a walk, like just little things. But the way that he would say things to me, they were so rooted in love, even though he never officially, like actually said anything to me about it. Again, he would drop these little nuggets that let me knew. He knew and he was trying to always catapult my healing and everyone around me, I feel like, was doing that, but no one knew how to talk to me about it.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 3:I didn't know how to talk to people about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think when someone is actively in the space you were in, it really isn't a lot of times a matter of just like directly shaking that. I mean, if it was that easy, we wouldn't, yep. And so there there are so many, there's a, there's a lot of different balancing acts that have to go into it and ultimately the person in the active situation has to be the one to kind of see it, and that's that's the beauty and the curse of, I guess, the human experience. Yeah, how did your husband like I know you guys probably went through some shit, yep, how did he deal with you? Because he's with you every day and that veneer wears off, yeah it does.
Speaker 3:He was amazing. He's an amazing human. He is the most compassionate, loyal just through and through. An incredible person, incredible husband, incredible dad, and he was so patient with me. I look back and I'm like how on earth were you patient with me for that long? And he was just always patient, always supportive, every step of the way. It took us a long time before we really really deeply talked about it, and it really wasn't until we wanted to have a family that we really tackled it to the level where we were brutally honest with each other. How did he do that?
Speaker 2:Like so, because he's living with you and he's seeing everything, and there was never like a comment or like a, I mean.
Speaker 3:God love him. I know he he would. But again, I would like I would hide it. I would try to be so I would. I was eating and I was eating and I was overexercising and I was just very restrictive in what I was eating and he would. There were times where I know he would get annoyed. He'd be like, oh my God, just use the salad dressing. You know, like just silly little things, like okay, do you need to use the tablespoon? Like to measure the salad dressing, like for the love. And I remember I actually remember this one time where we went to a restaurant and I ordered. We got appetizers, I got a salad, I got the dressing on the side. They brought it out. The dressing wasn't on the side and I almost lost my shit. Like I look back now I'm like, oh my God, guess what happened the other day? I didn't get my dressing on the side and I ate it anyway. But at the same time I'm like this is growth, this is amazing. I can't believe I was such a nut earlier.
Speaker 2:Hey, listen, I'm a nut about my dressing on the side too, so I feel you on that. I do, I feel you on that.
Speaker 3:And he was. I remember he was just like my god, you're gonna send it back, like are you serious? Like can we just get over this stuff by now?
Speaker 2:so there were moments, for sure, um, and he knew, and I knew, and I mean did you have like growing up, any eating, exercise issues, you were just completely this kind of. And then when you you became an adult, the job situation, all of that, something just clicked Yep.
Speaker 3:I never had anything. I actually think back when I was in my challenging time. I would think back to times in high school and playing sports and I was like I can't believe I used to do that. Like I can't believe I used to do that. We used to go to two-a-days in basketball and then we'd all go to Bob Evans and we were shoveling our faces for three hours Like we'd get soup and pot roast and this and that, and I would think back to that and I'd be like, oh my God, I was disgusting. How did I do that? Like I must've felt like total shit with all that garbage in my system, right, I also thought I think I was jealous of that point too, because then I'm like but I was always present, I was always there with my friends and I was just, I never cared about that stuff.
Speaker 3:And now I'm at this point where I'm never present because all I'm worried about is my mind the whole time, like, oh my god, how much, oh my, how many calories are in that am I gonna have? How long am I gonna have to? I'm gonna have to go for at least a walk after this. I can't handle like. I can't just sit like, and it just your mind it's on. You're on hamster wheel all exhausting time.
Speaker 2:It's exhausting so eating today. Now how do you cause? I'm sure you still have some of that noise and you have to manage it. Yep, how do you? What do you do Like? What are your rules or practices where you're like okay, yeah?
Speaker 3:So I, I am still. I still eat very healthy. I want my kids to be. You know, I'm still my, like all of us, we are very health conscious family and I want to be, because we all know, you know it's it pays right. You gotta we want to enjoy the time that we have here with, of course, you gotta, live a little too. I think the biggest thing that changed for me is I don't restrict anything specific. I have my voices, the things that I love, and I have the things that, like I'm not a potato chip person, never was. I don't eat a potato chip but ice cream, like yeah that's my thing.
Speaker 3:So what changed the biggest in this whole journey for me is, I know, the topic of intuitive eating and listening to yourself. But my journey in general that's where I have kind of let myself live and let myself grow the most is I just listen to my body. What do I want, what sounds good, and I try not to like. I eat till I'm full. Now, that's hard sometimes, because sometimes shit's good and you're like man and so, yeah, you overeat sometimes and you feel like crap. But for the most part I've gotten to a place in my life where I just turned 40, which you know, hot damn, oh my God, yeah.
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Speaker 3:But I'm like okay, I've been on this journey, I was able to be. We were blessed with these two kids and my biggest factor for them for now is that I want myself, my husband, our families to be an amazing role model for them. I want them to know that we eat healthy, but we enjoy things. We don't enjoy things all the time, but we also enjoy things. And I want to work out now because I want my kids to know that we're strong, we're capable, especially my daughter Like you can do anything you want. My daughter, like you can do anything you want.
Speaker 2:And my son you can do anything you want right.
Speaker 3:But I want to be able to carry my kids up and down the stairs. Do I still work out because it feels good? Yeah, absolutely, but it's not what's. It's not what's running my mind anymore. Do you give?
Speaker 2:yourself a limit too. Do you say, okay, like I'm not going to work out for two hours every day, or is there like a thing in your mind where you're kind of slowing not slowing that down, but evolving that a little bit?
Speaker 3:Yep. So my husband and I have made a commitment to each other with our kids that we each get 60 minutes every day. That's it. Either go to a class, run to the gym, walk, whatever. You get 60 minutes for yourself each day. Both of us Like we cover the time and that's it, and that's all you need.
Speaker 2:That's all you need. It's sometimes a little more than what you need.
Speaker 3:Sometimes, you know, sometimes and it's amazing what you learn. I'm like what the hell was I doing?
Speaker 2:Well, I do think too it comes with age and wisdom and just different trends and different um phases that you, you go through in your life. I don't know. I just 45 minutes of good strength training for me right now. You know I'll go, I'll walk or I'll like take a jog here and there, but like hammering myself against the wall. I mean I work out, I work out hard, but like it's a very like 45 minutes strength sauna. Oh, these doubling up on classes and people, you know, class hopping and doing all that.
Speaker 2:No it's crazy and what they're telling, like what you're finding out, is that it's actually counterintuitive. It's not good for you. Your cortisol levels go through the roof, your joints I mean everything gets fucked up, everything you know. Somebody told me something and I one time I've never said it out loud again, but I've never been able to unhear it, and it's always. It always lives rent free in my head.
Speaker 2:I can't remember who it was or when it was, but there's this philosophy have you ever heard of this? That that some people have that's kind of like the opposite of like, so like someone who was like addicted to exercise and would do it as much as they can. There's other people who have a philosophy that you're only given a finite amount of energy in your lifetime for your body and you're using it all Right, so that they're very like, and I can't remember where I heard it. That's interesting, but it is interesting to think about that. I don't know there's a lot of different interesting to think about that. Um, I don't know there's a lot of different ways to think about it, but I do think our culture is wacky.
Speaker 2:Yeah, wacky totally you know, if you're working out two hours a day, I'm gonna like, I would like, to analyze your workout and show you like, first of all, you're wasting a shitload of time and, secondly, let's do it way more efficiently. For like a half hour to 45 minutes it is.
Speaker 3:And I did. I used to spend at least two hours a day working out every day and I look back on that and I'm like I missed out on so much stuff, just things that like what was I doing for what? Like I for for what? Like? It's just, and it was. I actually feel like now, today, at 40, I am stronger, my body. I'm super proud of just the way that I I've I turned out like I've had two kids. I freaking love lifting weights. I never loved it before. I was like a cardio junkie For what I mean. Yeah, it's great every once in a while, of course.
Speaker 2:It is. It is, but you don't need nearly as much as people think you do.
Speaker 3:No you do not Like I feel best when I am like lifting, when I have like I feel strong. And now that I've been through what I've been through, like the things that run through my mind all the time are just my kids Like that's all the time. And it's funny, my dad, my parents, come down a fair amount. They're in Cleveland, and a couple weeks ago my parents came down and they were here and I'm like you know what? I'm going to go out in the garage just for like half an hour or whatever and lift them. Just I want to get a little work at it before the day starts. My dad's like really, and I'm like, yeah, it's kind of my time, this is when I do it. If I don't do it early morning, I don't do it and it's just my time. I center myself, you know. And he's like, yeah, you know whatever. So we go through the rest of the weekend. He's always present, right, but he's watching me with my two kids all the time, here and there and everywhere, and lifting a mommy up and down, and they just want to do the same things all the time, both of them. So that's what I'm doing and that's all I really care about I'm doing and that's that's all I really care about.
Speaker 3:And when, before they left, he took me to the side and he said you know, I wanted to tell you something. And I said yes. And he said I totally understand what you meant. Now I paid more attention to it because of what you told me. And he said now I watched you all weekend long and I get it Like you're just trying to keep up with them and you want to be down on the floor with them and you want to be like you want to be with them. And I said yeah, and I'm 40, I'm not 28. So if I'm not intentionally like I, I what I do now is for them.
Speaker 2:No, it's so great, it's so great. What would you say to the Amber that you were? Who's listening right now? And they're a little bothered, like they're not quite ready to tell themselves, but they're feeling a little uncomfy with this conversation.
Speaker 3:You know that to be ahead with this issue or be just going through it right now, what would I have been able to say to myself, like what would have been the thing that would have made me listen and snap out of it, because I mean, it was probably two years that I was going through that journey. So when I think about it now and I think like coming head to head with someone who's in this right now and knowing what I know about those elements of your life that are so important, they're so important.
Speaker 3:I think I was like what would have impacted me and it's hard because I think a lot of people tried and a lot of people said things to me and it didn't stick. I think that, first and foremost, I could hopefully reach someone only because I've been there. Like I think there would have been something to it if I would have had a sit down, person to person, face to face conversation with someone who had been through it, and I would tell them the only thing in your life that's constant is change. Like I know that this is where you're at right now and I also know it's so important to you and I'm not going to say that it's not okay because I've been there, but what I am going to tell you is this is not what life's going to be like forever. This is not permanent, it's temporary, and the things that are going to be important to you, they're going to change and those are going to be temporary too. But I'm telling you again, the only thing that's constant is change.
Speaker 3:And what I don't want you ever to do is to regret, because I look back on those days where I wasn't present and I can't even remember some of the events or things that I was doing because I was too busy on the hamster wheel in my mind about what I was doing and the calories and the intake. And that's not what life's about. Like, life's about presence, it's about connecting with other people, it's about love, it's about joy and those things. You're robbed of that when this is the hamster wheel that you're on all the time. And if you were to die tomorrow, no one cares what size you are, no one cares how many calories you're burning or any of that. They care about your heart, your soul. That's what they want from you and hopefully I could get that through to someone.
Speaker 2:Do you think that the Apple Watch is helpful or hurtful?
Speaker 3:That's a good question For me. I think it's helpful for me just because I like to know what I've got going on and what I'm doing. Because I like to know what I've got going on and what I'm doing. But I will tell you that in my journey, what I used to wear was a Fitbit and I shed that and all the stuff that it had along with it. When I had all of these issues, all these stats and all this stuff, I got rid of the watch, I deleted the app and I don't know any of those things anymore.
Speaker 2:Because it was real compulsive, right? Yep, then not only are you on the hamster wheel, now you're watching, my God, yep.
Speaker 3:And that logged like six half marathons. I did all this training, all this stuff and I just said bye, bye, bye and I don't know. I know those things now, but those numbers, those stats, for me, like that it was.
Speaker 2:It was very freeing, but you know how many steps you take a day though I do and you have a number, don't you Cause that's, that's what. But a lot of people do that. Yeah, like so, and then you know, I think it's, I think it's a good thing, yeah, it's definitely a good thing for a certain person, right? And then it and then it goes and it tips over for some people where you're like holding yourself accountable and then like, oh, I got 10,000. Well, fuck 10,000, I'm gonna get 12,000, then I'm gonna get 30, so it's like holy shit yeah, it can be.
Speaker 3:Um, I do. I pay attention to what I'm doing, but I also like part of it too is another aspect of healing for me, because I'm not, I'm not obsessed with it anymore, right, that's that's, that's the whole difference, you know, because these tools are all helpful and healthy and it's like anything.
Speaker 2:It's like when you're, when you're in moderation with it, you know. But then when you, when you already have this issue, and then this is like throwing, you know, fuel on the fire, kind of thing. But I, I think about people who are living like this. You know where their number one, two and three focus in their day is what I'm going to eat, how much I'm going to eat and how much I'm going to move, and it's like that. That's that quote that I love. We're all living in cages with the door wide open. There's never anything more appropriate for a person like that. No, you are living in a cage and the door is right there, it's open to get out. Yep, it is. You are living in a cage and the door is right there, it's open to get out. Yep, it is. You know. I mean, there's a better, there's a better. I know this is such a big deal for people. You know, I've dabbled in my own things, unfortunately for me. I just really the food and the alcohol and all that shit laying around always wins.
Speaker 2:I don't know what's wrong with me, but I get it to an extent, but I don't. I don't understand. You know where you were specifically, but I can only imagine how horrible, horrible. So if you are, if you're out there and you're feeling that way, I mean I just think you could be such a great nonjudgmental safe resource a great, nonjudgmental, safe, absolutely resource uh, 100 I would be.
Speaker 3:I didn't have that at all. Like I said, I think when I really think about what would have influenced me to be able to step out and start healing um, it would have been to be able to sit down with someone who's been through it, and it is a shameful thing. It's something when I think at the moment, like I knew I was hiding, I knew I was lying, I knew I was trying to avoid going to different things because I didn't want to have to be faced with a bunch of junk and alcohol and this and that and I would not go Like it's. I think about it now.
Speaker 2:It makes me so sad didn't you ever just want, though, like, like, I would just be so sad.
Speaker 3:Like I just would want the like, the Tommy's pizza, oh, oh, carrie, there were a few times that I went and when I did go, like so you overindulged, and then I would overindulge and I would feel like absolute garbage the next day and I would totally overindulge. That happened a couple of times, never to the point where I got sick or made myself sick or anything like that. I would just feel like crap and then I'd be like I'm not eating breakfast today. I definitely can't Not after that.
Speaker 2:But that's what it leads to, right? Because I do think that, like, no matter what, we're all human beings you know you have to satisfy certain things in your life and if you don't, and you keep putting that in this little container, eventually something's going to break and then you're going to just go completely the opposite direction. Then, unfortunately, some people do purge because they can't handle that. Yeah, absolutely. Now you're just spin, spin in this crazy direction of just nothing good, no it's nothing good, and that's my now looking back.
Speaker 3:Such a fear is with my kids, and specifically my daughter. Like I'm, like I, that runs through my head all the time that I don't want her to have to experience that and I want her to be able to. I don't want fear of any sort of food or anything. I just and restrictive. I will do anything to not have that with with my daughter, with my friends, daughters, you know, like I know it, it, it lives in males too.
Speaker 2:It's not just females, it's. It's a problem, and I know it lives in males too, it does.
Speaker 3:It's not just females it's a problem, and I know a handful of males that it has been a problem.
Speaker 2:But, once again, for the men it's harder to talk about because it's like oh wait, this is for women. It's emasculating, and so it's harder for a man to step forward, 100%, you know. But of course it's a human thing, it's a human condition.
Speaker 3:But of course, it's a human thing, it's a human condition. And now, the biggest thing I think I don't know why this just popped into my head, but I think we were talking about the Apple Watch, and I think about all of this now and actually something that someone said to me after the infertility series came out was someone I know approached me and said oh my gosh, I had no idea that you've dealt with that. I, I'm so sorry, I'm so like thank you for sharing your story, you know, and they were like you really lost your period, like for a long time. And I'm like, yes, for years, for years. And now it's so funny because people are like, oh shit, I got my period. I am overjoyed every time I get my period, like I'm so happy. I'm so happy because I'm like that's just another piece that I'm like I we good, yeah, we went through it, we did it, we did it girl.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we did it again Like we're. We're doing it. It's like a reminder, it is.
Speaker 3:And it just happened last week, which is why I was like yeah, good for you. And I'm like I love it and I'll tell my husband like I got my period and I'm like I love it and I'll tell my husband like I got my period, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:He's like yeah, I know, I knew that a week ago.
Speaker 3:Honey, they're on to the PMS and he actually was like yeah, but it's like for me now, like it, it brings me so much joy. I welcome the cramps, it's fine, no.
Speaker 2:I know I feel you, I totally feel you. Well, I just again you're very brave. Thank you. I'm so, so happy that you came in. Thank, you. And, like we talked about before, you know, with SOS, we knew, yeah, and we'd had lots of discussions I think maybe Courtney might have even reached out to you because we were always very caring and aware of the clients and what they were going through. So that's why I had a little meltdown in here. Yeah, it hit me in like a very strange way, like I wasn't expecting.
Speaker 3:Well, I actually remember really vividly when Courtney reached out to me and again I hid, that's what I did I was like, oh, it's who knows what. You know, courtney, man, she's a good one, she's a real one, yeah, but I will say that those those things like again little nuggets, right, like they all started adding up, and between that and I would think back like, okay, like I had this in exchange with this person. I had this exchange with this person and even somebody at work like my old boss, who he's a boss, but he, you know, sometimes you have a manager, that's a friend and he was going through some shit at the same time that I was and we knew we were both going through some shit.
Speaker 3:Um, and we had this really big dinner for work and it was when I was starting to heal and I was pretty honest with him about what was going on and he knew and it's really silly, it sounds really silly but the next day we came into work and he came into my office and he shut the door and he knew what I was going through and he was like I'm so proud of you, like you just were present last night and you had dinner, and you, I could tell like you were just you're working on it And'm like I am, and that was hard, but I'm making progress. And he was like I see it. I saw it like you're doing so well, and so those are the things that they build upon, um, and then, once this you know piece started with trying to have kids. That's just what did it for me.
Speaker 2:Well, amber, I love you. Yeah, I too am very proud of you. I think this is remarkable, that you have come on here again, and it's a vulnerable, scary thing to share. But man, so badass, thank you, so badass. And if you're out there and you're, you know, listening and you've got an issue, or you know someone who has an issue, whatever is going on, if this is kind of making your stomach turn a little bit or maybe lighting some kind of fire inside of you, you can reach out. Reach out to me, dm me. I promise you it's a safe space. No one's got to know. Nope, I'm like a vault and I can get you to the right person.
Speaker 2:Amber, you know, you can reach out to her directly but, we are here to, you know, add value and to make people feel less alone and to really bring out the ultimate badassery inside of you. Everybody's got one, everybody's got one, and sometimes life and shit and circumstances kind of covers it up a little bit. But I'll be damned if we're not going to mine for it together and get that badass like back on the track. Back on track, so just consider us a resource and again, just reach out. Thank you, you're the best we come back. I want you to be a cameo, yeah.
Speaker 2:And then I'll see you at this little Bohindi gathering we got going on, you're the best, so are this little bohindi gathering we got. Going on, you're the best, so are you. Thank you, and if you're still out there following your girl, follow me on youtube, spotify, apple or wherever you get your podcast. And until next time, keep moving, baby. I'm telling you you're gonna help a lot of people. It's gonna happen. I mean, you already are.
